


Burden

by WickedCinnamonRoll



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game), The Walking Dead Game
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Apocalyptic road trips, Blood and Violence, Bonding over past tragedies and killing zombies, Canon-Typical Violence, Cigarettes and marijuana, Eddie constantly trying to lighten up the mood, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hearing Voices, Other, Parental Eddie, Parental Wyatt, Past Violence, Physical and emotional wounds that is, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Schizophrenia, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, Tending to Wounds, Wyatt and Eddie adopt an anxious beanpole more on that at 5, banter and quite a lot of it, ben lives au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-05-14 13:38:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14770646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedCinnamonRoll/pseuds/WickedCinnamonRoll
Summary: A family doesn't always have to be made up of a mother, a father, a son and a daughter.Sometimes a family can be made up of a teenage boy with separation issues left for dead and two former deadbeat stoners forced to take on the roles of survivors and now, parental figures.





	1. You look like Hell

  The apocalypse is kind to no one.

   It doesn’t make exceptions for anyone. It doesn’t care who you are or what you do. All it wants is to wrap its blood-ridden hands around whoever is unfortunate enough to cross paths with it and if it kills you then, you’re one of the lucky ones. The not so lucky ones don’t die at once. Whether their sense humanity is stripped away along with their sanity and hope, or they slowly turn into the undead, it almost always ends with them begging for their death. Sometimes the apocalypse feels generous and only then does it grant the privilege of death.

   A part of Ben wished that he would be privileged enough to meet this end.

    In his eyes, he knew he deserved it. Even if he didn’t intend for it to happen, his attentions caused the deaths of so many innocent people. He couldn’t even be angry or upset when the group unanimously agreed to kick him out. How could he be?

    He couldn’t for the life of him remember how he ended up where he did, but it didn’t matter.

    Rust and dust made up the old building he took refuge in, looking to have been abandoned long before the dead took over. Every noise seemed to travel and bounce throughout all the hallways and rooms. This proved helpful to Ben in alerting him to anyone, or anything, trying to trespass, however, because of how ancient it was, it tended to make a lot of noises, even when nothing’s happening. As if he wasn’t already paranoid enough. The nights were cold and never seemed to end while the days never seemed to start. Along with not remembering how he ended up there, how long he had been there also slipped his mind. It had to have been weeks, months even.

    Must’ve been that long since he’s eaten as well.

    He already had a skinny frame, but now, he was downright skeletal, right down to how pale he had become. Highways of bright blue veins made themselves more prominent against his nearly pure white skin, running up and down his hands and neck. The bruises that covered his body might as well have been birthmarks as there was no way they were going to vanish. At least, not any time soon. Every joint he moved caused him nothing but great pain, making him stay vacant on the filthy ground of his new home.

    This wasn’t what he wanted. What he wanted was to live, even if he knew he didn’t deserve to. He wanted nothing more than to leave this hellhole and have a chance at survival. Preferably, far away from other people. It would be better off that way.

    He knew who he was and even if he didn’t, he always had the voices in the back of his mind to remind him.

 

_Useless._

 

_Coward._

_Spineless_

_Idiot._

 

_Weak._

 

_Traitor._

 

_Shitbird._

 

   He chuckled lightly, his voice dry and gravelly.

   That last one...truly a favorite of his.

   These weren’t his own. They were just the voices of people he once knew. They screamed at him, reminding him how much of a failure he was and always will be. He hated them, yet he couldn’t imagine life without them. The silence was honestly worse. When the silence did manage to take over, his days were spent begging for the voices to come back. At least when the voices were there, he felt human. He felt like he was being given attention, even if he didn’t deserve it, and it made him feel like he actually existed.

    His tired, baggy eyes scanned over his own scrunched up body before moving them around the room, a room he grew used to seeing. However, it never failed at making him feel as unsafe as possible. He was always worried that he’s wake up to see a hoard of the undead breaking down the already weak door or worse, bandits, looking to do God knows what to him. The mere fleeting mention of bandits sent chills down his body, his bony hands now beginning to tremble feverishly, along with his breathing.

    God, he really needed to sleep.

    But then again, he had been awake for three days in a row now. What harm could an extra day do really?

    He gulped before shoving his freezing hands into the sleeves of his letterman jacket, praying that it would not only stop the shaking, but hopefully warm them up. As they were just barely warming up, his eyelids began to feel like lead weights. He fluttered them slightly, teasing the idea of sleep. It would be best for him to rest his eyes, if only for just a few hours. His overwhelming paranoia always kept him up, but his paranoia couldn’t stop his eyelids from finally shutting.

 

  He must’ve only had them shut for five minutes before a slamming noise coming from downstairs startled him awake. His eyes bolted open and he quickly sat up, the shaking returning. The sound of his own heart pounding throughout his ears made it nearly impossible for him to focus on if the noises were getting closer or not. He heard no growls or grunts of the undead, but what he did hear were footsteps, a pair of them to be exact. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and he had almost forgotten to blink from staring at the door for so long, his one and only line of defense. Air entered and exited his body at a fast rate and the room around him twisted and turned and blurred to the point where he could barely see anything in front of him. The voices, inside his head and just downstairs, grew distant and muffled as he threw his hands over his head in fear and buried his face deep into his knees. While he could hear the steps thunder against the rusted metal stairs, he clenched his jaw and even though he tried to stay quiet, he couldn’t silence his harsh breathing nor his hoarse whimpers no matter how hard he tried. He felt like he was about to break at any moment.

    And when he heard the creaking sound of the door to the room, he could swear that a part of him _did_ break.

    His breathing halted, his entire body tensed up and what he believed to be his final thoughts made themselves present.

 

_Your time has finally come_

 

_Accept it._

 

_Accept your death._

 

_It’s the only thing you deserve._

 

   He braced himself and then…

   “Listen, after this _then_ we can look back outside, but I’m telling you, this place has been-holy shit.”

    Though he was beyond terrified, he couldn't help but slowly raise his head up, still concealing half of his face in his knees.

    The intruders were two men, looking to be in their late twenties, maybe even older. One wore a beanie and his ears were filled of piercings while the other had a pair of glasses resting on his nose and unruly blond hair, with a beard to match. The one sporting the beanie took a step towards Ben

     “Hey, are you okay? Do you need our help?”

    “Eddie...” the blond quietly hissed.

    The first man, presumably named Eddie, turned to his friend.

    “Chill out.” he hissed back before turning his attention back to Ben. “I’ll ask again...are you okay?”

    Ben had no idea what to say. A part of him thought for a moment that he had forgotten how to speak. His wide eyes scanned over the two of them, remaining silent all the while.

    “Um, hello?” Eddie took another step forward, causing Ben to flinch. He noticed this and put both of his hands up.

     “Whoa now...we’re not here to hurt you. We didn’t even know anyone else was in this building. Hell, in this _city_ even!” nervous and awkward laugher slipped past his lips. Seeing that Ben didn’t see the humor in his comment, he cleared his throat. “S-Sorry. Um, do you need help? You look like you could need it.”

    Ben didn’t answer, instead shaking his head before slighting moving back, trying to push himself deeper into his corner.

   “No.” finally finding his words, he croaked out a response. It felt like the first time he had spoken in his life. “No no no no no...I-I’m, I’m-” he seemed to have underestimated how shaky his voice was and stopped himself from saying any more, clenching his jaw once more.

    The man that stood before him furrowed his eyebrows as his mouth hung slightly agape.

    “I’m...fine.”

    “You look like hell, kid.” Eddie noted, sounding incredibly uneasy. “You look worse than this building. When’s the last time you’ve eaten? When’s the last time you’ve _moved_?”

    The answer to either of those questions left Ben with the realization that he didn’t even know himself.

   “Listen, we have a car nearby. We hid it so the dead dudes wouldn’t be able to find it and even though we’re running out of gas, we still have some left. Just...come with us.” he lifted up his hands again. “I-I know that we’ve just met, but-”

    “Eddie!” exclaimed the other, trying to grab his attention for the second time. “I don’t know about this. Something’s up”

    The first man’s worried expression flared up when he looked his way. “You’re damn right something’s up! We just found a kid that could be mistaken as a fuckin’ skeleton! When and where did you lose your fuckin’ heart, man!”

    “It’s not like that!” he said through gritted teeth. “I mean-” he lowered his voice, as to not be heard by Ben. “-what if this is a trap or something?”

    Eddie’s eyebrows and face scrunched up before shaking his head. He looked back to Ben.

    “Kid...face it; if you stay here, you’re gonna die. Just...please...come with us.”

    Just as Ben was about to refuse his request again, the gut wrenching sounds of groaning and shuffling feet could be heard downstairs. Either the two men left the door wide open when they entered the building or the said building just happened to grab the attention of some roaming walkers. But it didn’t matter.

    “Shit.” the still unnamed man muttered. “That’s our cue to go!”

    Eddie’s eyes darted at the doors then back at Ben, extending out his hand.

 

_Don’t go._

 

_Stay._

 

_Stay._

 

   Panicking and eyes flashing with pure fear, Ben shook his head, trying to move back. “No, no! I-I can’t! You d-don’t want that! I’m-!”

   The pierced man groaned before moving closer. “You’re killin’ me kid!”

   He picked up the young man before he could even have time to say anything. Though he was considerably shorter than Ben, he actually had muscle on him, unlike Ben. The other man didn’t even have time to argue with his friend as they were already out the room. The loud clanging and scraping noises their shoes made against the ground most likely caught the attention of the undead, but they never once slowed down. The two of them shouted at one another as the groaning and shuffling swelled, but Ben could barely hear anything anymore. He could barely handle all the sudden motion and rush of adrenaline. It was almost enough to make him want to throw up. The edges around his vision began to blur and darken as his ragdoll like form bounced up and down in the stranger’s arms.

   The last thing he saw before he passed out were the front doors caving in on each other.

 


	2. Better off

   For the first time in weeks, Ben didn’t wake up to the harsh feeling of laying against the hard, rust coated wall of a building way past its expiration date.

   That feeling instead replaced with that of what felt like cushioning. Granted, it was no king bed quality of cushioning, but it proved to be a better wake up call to what he grew accustomed to. He noticed something else strange: it felt like he was moving. This realization caused him to hesitantly open up his eyes, his vision still somewhat strained. 

   From what little he could make out, he was laying in the backseat of a car. Someone obviously sat behind the wheel, but he could barely make out who they were or what they looked like. The once present ringing in his ears began to fade away as the low rumbling of the car and two voices replaced it.  

   “-you’re insane.” the first voice that came into focus came from the driver’s seat. Solemn and jaded is what Ben could best describe it as.

   “No, for once, I’m actually being serious.” compared to the first voice, this one had a more animated air to it. It also sounded as if they were right next to Ben.

   “And _ this _ is what you choose to be serious about for once in your life?”

   “Gotta start somewhere.”

   The driver chose to stay silent at the answer, responding only with a small sigh.

   “Will you at least think about it?” asked the second voice, hope noticeable in his tone. 

   “Fine, sure, whatever.” he replied simply. “We can talk about it later. I don’t think right now is the best time to.”

   The inside of the car then went eerily quiet, the only sounds now being the rumbling of the tires rolling against the road. Something about the conversation he listened to made Ben feel...uneasy. Like he had just eavesdropped on something he wasn’t supposed to hear. The sudden sensation of someone sliding their fingers over his neck caused his breathing to quicken and his eyes to clamp back shut. They were icy cold and sent shivers down his back.

   “Is he still with us?” inquired the driver.

   “Yeah, I can feel his pulse.” he retracted his hand, allowing Ben to ease up slightly. “Plus, I can hear him breathing.”

   “I still can’t believe we made it out of there in one piece.” the driver sighed once more. “Like...shit.”

   The other grimly chuckled. Ben felt him shift besides him. “Yeah, but I knew we’d make it. We always do, don’t we?”

   “I’m not sure if I’d agree with you on that, but sure.” though he didn’t feel the same way, his tone lightened up.

   Ben was at a complete loss at what to do. Should he move? Sit up? Say something? Stay still? What kind of men were these two? They _did_ save him, but why? They could’ve just moved on, but they didn’t. Before he could think anymore, a searing pain that throbbed throughout his head, interrupting him from doing so. Out of reflex, he hissed in pain, bringing his hand that previously hung over the seat up to his forehead. This immediately caught the attention of the two men.

 

_ So much for laying low. _

 

_ You can never keep your damn mouth shut, can you? _

 

   The man next to him grabbed ahold of the teen’s shoulders and carefully sat him up, Ben assisting by propping himself up with his left arm, still using his other to hold his head.

   “Easy there.” he muttered softly, only pulling his own hands away when he made sure Ben could sit up on his own.

   Ben glanced over to see that the man next to him was the one with the beanie and piercings while the one clad in glasses sat behind the steering wheel.

   When he noticed Ben looking at him, the man that helped him up offered a nervous grin. “If your head feels like shit, you can blame me for that. When we made it to the car and tried to get you in, I accidently banged your head on the way in.” an equally nervous chuckle followed. “I’m glad that’s all that I did to ya. You’re so skinny, I was worried I was gonna snap you in half.”

   “Who’s to say that you didn’t?” asked the driver casually.

   Quiet curses strung from the lips of the man sitting next to him before he leaned in closer to better observe Ben. “Ah shit, did I? I mean, did I hurt you anywhere else? Fuck. Knowing me, I probably did. From the looks of it, it wouldn’t take much to do some real damage.”

   Still uneasy and not yet used to his environment nor the people that saved his life, Ben began to scooch away from the man with the beanie, slow enough for him to hopefully not notice. But as he glanced up, he saw the driver looking back at him in the rearview mirror and froze up. The driver returned his eyes back onto the road as he let out an annoyed sigh, seeming to be all too familiar with his friend’s behavior. 

   “Eddie, I think you’re kinda freaking him out. Lay off, ‘kay?”

   This name clicked with Ben as he remembered the back and forth the two of them exchanged when they found him.

   Eddie pulled away, awkwardly grabbing the back of his head. “Ah, s-shit. I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to, I just, uh-”

   “And just shut up while you’re at it.” the driver interrupted once more.

   He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but quickly slammed it shut, nervously licking his lips and lip piercing in the process.

   “So...are you okay kid? Eddie didn’t scuff you up that bad, did he?”

   Ben looked down at his hands, which were now intertwined with one another to help ease his shaking, bony fingers. Tired eyes scanned over his own figure, eyebrows softly furrowing. He quietly cleared his throat.

   “Um…”  he began, his voice still raspy and choked. “I-I don’t think so.”

   After he answered, the driver grabbed something from the front and tried to pass back to the back seat. It turned out to be a nearly full bottle of water. Ben gulped, his adam apple bobbing up and down his skinny neck. Water _did_ sound good about now, but he kept his hands to himself, worried that is wasn’t even meant for him, but for the man next to him. The driver slightly shook the bottle, water sloshing from side to side.

   “C’mon kid, take it. You sound like a chain smoker.”

   It took all the energy he had not to immediately snatch it from his hands. Instead, he reached out for the bottle, hesitation noticeable in his actions, before pulling back. 

   “Go ahead.” Eddie insisted. “It’s not poisoned or anything.”

   “But Eddie _did_ drink from it, so I guess it is poisoned in a way.”

   Eddie’s face scrunched up and he shook his head. “Dude, shut up.”

   This surprisingly eased some of Ben’s worries away. He carefully slipped the bottle from the driver’s hand, screwed the cap off and took a few hefty gulps from it. The water was colder than he expected it to be and unlike most of the previous surprises in his life, he gladly accepted this one. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had water this refreshing. After relishing in his satisfied thirst, he sighed, put the cap back on and handed it back to the driver.

   “Thank you.” he muttered under his breath, not sounding nearly as hoarse as he used to.

   “It’s no problem.”

   Ben returned his hands to his lap, twiddling his thumbs as to keep himself occupied. But now that nothing else was happening, Ben’s mind began to race at a hundred miles per hour.

 

_ Now what? _

 

_ Now what? Now what?! Now you leave! _

 

_ Leave leave leave leave! _

 

_ No more groups! _

 

_ No more disappointment! _

 

_ No more no more no more no more! _

 

   “Um,” Ben started. “Th-Thank you for helping me out...but I think, uh, I think I-I can handle myself now.”

 

_ What a joke. _

 

   Ben flinched but continued best he could. “You can just, um,” he took a deep breath, trying to ease the shaking in his voice. “Dr-Drop me off any-anywhere. Anywhere is fine.”

   “What?!” the two older men exclaimed at the same time, causing Ben to flinch yet again.

   The driver, clearly the more level-headed of the two, cleared his throat. “Sorry, but there is no way that we’re just gonna let you out. I mean, have you looked outside?”

   He realized that he didn’t once look outside the moving vehicle and decided to change that. When he looked out the window to his left, he could see why they were against letting him out.

   Though the Sun could still be seen in the sky, it inched closer and closer towards the horizon, orange light beginning to bleed into the dull blue sky, and it would only be a matter of hours until it got dark. As if that weren’t bad enough, they were quite literally in the middle of nowhere. Empty fields of dry and dying grass stretched for as far as the eye could see on either side of the road, which also never seemed to end. He turned around in his seat and his heart dropped when he saw...the same thing. The city overrun by the undead and rusted ruins couldn’t even be seen. It all almost felt like just a bad memory, a dream even. Like none of it actually happened. But he knew better than to think that.

   How long has he been asleep for?

   He slumped back into the seat, his eyes glued to the ground, which was littered with trash of the past.

   Eddie looked over at Ben, pushing his eyebrows up into a worried stare. “Listen kid, I know that you don’t know us from a hole in the ground, but when I-” he glanced up towards the driver for a split second. “When _we_ saw you, all alone, practically rotting away in some shithole building in some shithole city...we couldn’t just leave you there. It just-it just didn’t feel right. You don’t have to stay with us forever but fuck, we can’t drop you off in the middle of bumfuck nowhere with just the clothes on your back and nothing else! It ain’t right.”

   Ben shook his head, still staring down. 

 

_ Better off leaving you. _

 

_ Better off leaving you. _

 

_ Better off leaving you. _

 

   “You’d be better off leaving me behind.”

   The man next to him wore a shocked and bewildered expression and though the driver remained silent, he looked just as confused.

   “What the hell are you-?” he stopped himself, feeling himself grow agitated. He lowered his voice. “I don’t know what happened to you. I don’t know your story. Hell, you don’t have to tell us anything if you don’t want to, but please...stay with us...just for a little while.”

   He didn’t know what to say. Just a few months ago, he had been forcefully removed from one group, left to die and now, not only did a different group save him, but they were also asking him to stay with them. He knew that they wouldn’t let him leave, not in the condition he’s in. No choices other than to stay were given to him and he didn’t know how to feel about that. He began to fumble and fidget with his hands again and he shifted his gaze to back up to the two of them.

   “I-I don’t know. I don’t think-” his voice trailed off. “I don’t think I’ll be all that useful.” he finished in a hushed tone.

   Just as all the voices began whispering their pained insults Ben’s way, the driver chuckled.

   “Can’t be any worse than Eddie. He misplaces ammo all the time, it surprises me when we actually find it again.” he looked back at Ben in the rearview mirror as a soft smile spread across his lips. “You’ll be fine and if not, I’m sure you’ll find a way to redeem yourself.”

   And then, for the first time in months, Ben felt the voices silence themselves, the voices soon being replaced with a warm, sickly sweet feeling that buzzed throughout his head and chest. A ghost of a smile sneaked its way onto his face before he looked down.

   The man in the beanie then perked up. “Since you’ll be staying with us for a bit, it only makes sense to tell you the names of the _brave heroes_ that saved your life-”

   A stifled laugh could be heard from the driver.

   “As you probably heard, I’m Eddie and that big lug driving us is Wyatt.”

   “Whatever happened to ‘brave heroes’ ?” asked Wyatt, not sounding too concerned.

   Eddie shrugged. “You can be a lug and a hero at the same time.”

   He merely shook his head. “So, what’s your name kid?”

   His previously tiny, almost unnoticeable smile grew, slightly twitching as if he were learning how to smile for the first time in his life.

   “I’m Ben.”

 


	3. Dawn of a new life

   All those days of no rest began to catch up with Ben and just as they were done introducing themselves, he could feel his eyelids grow heavy and before he knew it, sleep overtook him.

 

   It was a dreamless rest and to him, that made it better.

   He eventually woke up, not to the feeling of the worn out backseat, but to the cold chill of his face being pressed up against the window. He had been on his fair share of road trips with his family and he couldn’t even count the number of times he had fallen asleep during them so this was by no means a foreign feeling to him. A yawn slipped past his lips as he peeled his cheek off of the cold glass of the window and tried his best to rub the sleep from his eyes. But when he looked around, he froze.

   Not only was the car not moving, but Wyatt nor Eddie were in the car with him. 

   He placed his hands on the front seats and leaned forward, trying to get a good look out of the front windows and windshield. This proved to be somewhat difficult due to the lack of light that accompanied the dawn of the new day. His eyes narrowed before he could make out a beam of light shooting out from a handheld flashlight, surveying the area outside. As his eyes grew more used to the darkness, he could see that the flashlight belonged to Wyatt. His bony fingers lingered over the door handle and with a swift motion, he grabbed the handle and swung the door open. A gulp swam down his throat, watching his feet dangle over the asphalt beneath him, as if worried that any pressure applied to his legs or feet would cause them to snap. He finally took a deep breath and stepped onto the hard ground, legs wobbling slightly before stabling out. Once he shut the door behind him and placed a steady hand on the car for support, he took this chance to get a good look at his surroundings.

   The same fields of dead grass landscaped on either side of the road. Wyatt and Eddie’s car was parked off to the side of the road next to an old gas station, most likely the first building they’ve come across on this stretch of land. As Ben noticed before, not a whole lot of light coated the area, the Sun not yet up in the sky. What he noticed looming over his head were the dark clouds and though they seemed to be dispersing themselves into smaller tufts of gray, guessing by the faint smell of rain and damp earth, it had just rained. He closed his eyes and inhaled the oddly satisfying smell.

   This was only one of the many small pleasures that he took for granted before everything went to shit.

   Memories of walking to school the day after it had just rained flooded his head. During all of his walks, he never once thought that he would think back fondly on them.

   “Hey Ben.”

   Surprised by the sudden voice, he jumped before turning around to see Wyatt shining the flashlight on him. He pointed the light down as to not blind him.

   He smiled. “Hey, uh, sorry for just leaving you in the car. We didn’t want to wake you up, y’know?” 

   “It-It’s okay.” Ben reassured. He looked around again. “Where are we now?”

   “Hell if I know.” Wyatt sighed. “All I know is that when we see a gas station, we stop. The more extra gas we have, the better.” he added, holding up a gasoline canister, the content within it sloshing around in the process.

   “What can I do to help?” the teen asked, wanting to make himself at least somewhat useful.

   The older man turned around to the building, Ben only then seeing Eddie near the front door. “Well, I guess you could help Eddie out. Not only with getting in, but also with gathering whatever supplies you can find.” he returned his gaze to one of the abandoned cars strewn around them. “I need to check the rest of the cars for more gas.”

   He nodded before quickly making his way over to Eddie, trying to look through the clouded and most likely blocked out windows of the station.

   “Damn it. Can’t see a Goddamn thing in there.” Eddie cursed to himself before noticing Ben and looking up at him. “ ‘Morning sleeping beauty. Hope we didn’t wake you up.”

   He waved the comment away, along with ignoring the nickname. “You didn’t.” he shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket as he observed the building. “Trying to get in?”

   “What gave it away?”

   “I guess it is pretty obvious.” Ben muttered quietly, realizing how stupid he must’ve sounded. “How can I help?”

   Eddie didn’t answer right away, instead walking over to the door and placing a firm hand on it.

   “How good is your upper body strength?”

   He didn’t even need to look down at his arms to answer. “It’s not the best.” That was only putting it mildly.

 

_ Try “terrible.” _

 

_ A child is stronger than you. _

 

_ In more ways than one. _

 

   This answer didn’t seem to deter Eddie as he continued to feel up the door for any weak spots. “That’s fine. All I care about is getting inside and that’s what you’re gonna help me do.” he signaled for Ben to stand right next to him in front of the door. “On ‘three,’ we’re both gonna slam into the door. Got it?”

   He nodded, though he doubted the level of success they would achieve by doing this. 

   “One.”

   Ben stood so one of his shoulders faced the door.

   “Two.”

   He prepared himself for the impact.

   “Three!”

   As planned, the two of them slammed shoulder first into the barricaded door. Ben felt his entire body tense upon impact. The door didn’t budge, as expected. Without any communication between the two of them, they pulled back and slammed into it once more. The teenager could hear the faintest sound of creaking wood coming from behind the door, showing that they were at least making some progress in opening it. As they withdrew, preparing to slam their bodies into it again, an exasperated voice from behind them caused them to halt.

   “Jesus you guys.” Wyatt muttered, making sure not to raise his voice too much. “Are you _trying_ to draw all the attention to yourselves?”

   “What do you suppose we do then, huh?” Eddie retorted, obviously trying to keep his voice down, though it proved to be useless. “Do you want us to politely knock on the door and ask whoever is on the other side to open it for us?”

   Ben winced at both the arguing and the icy glares they were giving each other. He chose to stay out of the two friends’ disagreement as Wyatt sighed, his flashlight dropping to his side.

   “I’m sure there’s a backdoor or something. M-Maybe it’s not as tightly secured.” he shook his head and stuttered his words, just trying to figure out a plan on the spot. “Just-Just try to open it and if _that_ doesn’t work, _t_ _hen_ you can go back to slamming yourselves into the door like a couple of-”

   Wyatt stopped himself, looking over at Ben as if just remembering that he was there. He grumbled something to himself before turning around, eyeing up one of the cars he had yet to check. “Just...be more quiet.”

   Once Wyatt had his back to them, Eddie pulled a face, cursing and muttering under his own breath, most likely mocking the other man. He rolled his eyes as he began to walk around the gas station, signaling for Ben to follow him.

   “Sorry ‘bout that.” Eddie said, stepping over the weeds that made the space beside the station their home. “Wyatt can be a little, eh, temperamental at times. But to be fair, I think he only gets that way towards me, so you shouldn’t have to worry too much about pissing him off.”

   Ben didn’t respond at first, only miming the action of stepping over the family of tall weeds. The only sounds that filled the air were now just the rustling beneath them and the crisp morning air that swept over the two of them and through the fields of dying grass. A wave of relief washed over Ben as he noticed that moans and groans of the undead didn’t weave in between the relaxing sounds that did decide to make themselves present. However, some of the relief disintegrated when they made it to the back of the station.  

   The metal door and brick exterior of the building was coated in obscene graffiti along with a thick layer of mold. The door looked frail, the elements really working against it.

   “Damn, I guess Wyatt was right.” the pierced man observed the door. “It looks like it’s about to fall apart at any second.”

   It only took a few twists of the doorknob and kicks to the base of the door for it to open with a loud and chilling creak.

   Eddie pulled out his own flashlight from his jacket, switching it on and shining it into the abandoned gas station.

   “Wait!” said Ben, taking a step towards the man. “W-What about a weapon? There could be-!”

   “Relax kid.” Eddie chuckled, showing off the handle of a revolver sticking out from one of the pockets of his jeans. “What? Did you think I was just _that_ _excited_ to be breaking into some shithole gas station? Trust me, it’s _just_ a gun in my pants.”

   Though Eddie’s attempt at calming him down did somewhat help, Ben couldn’t help but still be a little wary of the building they were about to enter.

   With Eddie taking lead, the two of them carefully walked inside.

   Eddie’s flashlight helped illuminate the space around them and though the light should have been a welcome change from the darkness they left behind outside, it all still made Ben feel uneasy. Shards of broken glass crushed and cracked beneath their feet as they inched further and further into the desolate structure. Some of the shelves were toppled over while the rest of them stood mostly barren, only holding a few boxes and bags of assorted snacks. Eddie shined his light down each aisle, or what was left of an aisle, to see if there were any unwelcome guests hidden away. When they drew closer towards to the front entrance, muffled and gurgled groans of anguish could be heard down one of the last aisles. As expected, once they looked down the aisle, a walker being held down by one of the large shelves that fell onto its legs could be seen sitting on the tile floor, flailing its weak arms out in front of it. Only a few strands of wispy hair hung down from its torn up face, blood coated teeth peeking out from its ripped cheeks. The milky marbles it called its eyes followed every movement Eddie and Ben made as it let out more choked moans. Instead of reaching for his gun, Eddie turned around and began searching through the debris that littered the once active gas station for a blunt weapon he could use instead. He settled for a bent plank of wood, a few stray nails sticking out from one side. Moving out of his way, Ben took a step back, letting Eddie walk up to the trapped walker. With a few swift movements, Eddie swung the plank high above his head before slamming it back down onto its skull, a few drops of dark blood splattering across his jacket. Ben cringed at the sounds of crunching and squishing sounds of its head being pummeled to mush. After a few tugs, one of the nails lodged into its eyes, Eddie tore the plank off and dropped it to the ground.

   He glanced up at Ben, tapping his pocket which held the revolver. “Only use this if I have to.”

   Ben nodded, prying his eyes away from the mangled remains of the walker.

   “Okay,” Eddie sighed. “You’re on food duty while I look around for anything else useful. Sound good?”

   The teen nodded once more, walking over to one of the first aisles to start his search.

   His eyes scanned over the mostly empty shelves, empty save for miniature spiders that wove in and out the tiny crevices and cracks. He looked down at his feet to see something hiding under the shelves. Kneeling down, he pulled it out, revealing itself to be small crate filled with travel sized cereal boxes. With squinted eyes, he looked for an expiration date somewhere on the crate and when he found it, he smiled. They weren’t set to expire for another few months. His dirt ridden fingernails tore into the plastic covering of it. There were ten boxes in total, but he decided against taking all of them. He started to slip them from the box, tucking each one in his pocket or under his arm. He planned on taking only six, two for each of them. After some more searching, Ben was able to find some packets of string cheese, beef jerky, trail mix and surprisingly enough, a loaf of bread still wrapped up in its bag. It wasn’t much, but he couldn’t find anything else. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eddie carrying his own supplies. From what he could see, he held some boxes of bandages, a small multi tool, a few packages of batteries and other things that were unrecognizable to Ben. Just as it looked like they were about to leave, Eddie looked beyond where the cash register sat and smiled. He placed the supplies next to the register and hopped over the counter. It was only then that Ben noticed the boxes upon boxes of cigarettes that lined the wall, seemingly untouched. He must have grabbed a dozen packs of them at least before shoving them all in either the pockets of his jeans or jacket. After he returned to Ben’s side with everything in hand, they walked back out the rear entrance.

   The two of them were greeted with Wyatt leaning against the car, waiting for them with the gasoline canister still by his side.

   “So, how are we on gas?” Eddie asked.

   “Pretty damn good.” replied Wyatt in surprised confidence. “Filled up the car with some to spare.” he gestured to them. “What about you? How are we on supplies?”

   Eddie looked up at Ben, offering a smile, his eyebrows raising as if insisting he go first.

   Fumbling with the food, along with his words, Ben spoke up. “Um, I, uh, found some cereal, bread, cheese, trail mix and beef jerky.” he glanced down at his feet, mumbling his last words. “I-I know it’s not a lot, but it’s all that I could find that wasn’t expired. Sorry.”

   He expected for Wyatt, Eddie or both of them to be letdown with his finds.

   Instead of a disappointed scowl, Wyatt smiled. “That’s not too bad. It’s definitely a lot better than what we usually find.” his smile dimmed slightly, though the genuine look in his eyes never once faded. “And, hey...you don’t need to be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

   The innocent and kind remark sent the voices into a frenzy.

 

_ If only they knew. _

 

_ If only they knew of what you did. _

 

_ You have everything to be sorry for and don’t you forget that. _

 

_ You can apologize a million times and that still won’t change what you did. _

 

_ Thief! _

 

_ Murderer! _

 

   Ben felt the corners of his eyes sting, but he tried to ignore it and chose not to reply to what Wyatt had said.

   “What about you?” asked Wyatt, finally taking his eyes off of Ben and over to Eddie.

   “Yeah I got some shit too.” he pointed at what he was holding with his chin. “Bandages, batteries, some tame meds, like if you get a stuffy nose or a sore throat. I also got ya something.”

   Wyatt rolled his eyes, still smiling nonetheless as Eddie started to move most of the supplies into the car. “Oh really?”

   “Yep.” Eddie answered in a matter of fact tone. Once everything was in the car, Eddie pulled out one of the many boxes of cigarettes and tossed it his way. “Merry Christmas and happy birthday.”

   Wyatt caught it, laughing as he realized what it was. “Oh, you asshole.” he opened up the carton and pulled out one of the cigarettes with his teeth, allowing it to freely dangle from his lips as he shoved the box into his pocket. “Now all I need is a light.” his words partly muffled.  

   “Ask and you shall receive.” Eddie strolled over to Wyatt, a lighter now present in his hand. Instead of just giving him the lighter for him to use himself, Eddie stood on the tips of his feet, brought the light up to end of the cigarette and lit it for him. The shorter of the two rocked back to his normal stance, watching with half a smile as smoke bellowed out from between Wyatt’s lips. He blew out the extra smoke from the corner of his mouth and walked over to the driver’s side.

   “Alright, let’s go.”

   Even as Wyatt and Eddie began to enter the car, Ben stood motionless besides it, too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice. That feeling of not belonging returned and it grew more powerful. As nice as they were, not only did it feel like he was lying to them, not only did it feel like he didn’t deserve to be saved in the first place, it felt as if he were intruding on something. First the conversation in the car he awoke to and now the surprisingly, but still undoubtedly, intimate moment shared between them and the carton of cigarettes.

   “You coming?”

   Ben blinked and saw Eddie looking up at him from the passenger window.

   “That was a rhetorical question.” Eddie added. “Get in kid. Let’s get going.”

   Although he was going to take the advice of the man, Ben felt the need to ask something that’s been on his mind.

   “About that, um...w-where exactly _are_ we going?” 

   Eddie grinned, shaking his head.

   “Hell if I know. We’re just trying to survive the best we can. Better start getting used to sleeping on the road. I know I have.”

 


	4. Just a kid

   Ben swore that every time he woke up since Wyatt and Eddie saved him, it was to something different each time. First to the worn out back seats, then to the cold glass stuck to his cheek and now, to the sickly sweet smell of sugary and artificial fruit entering his nostrils.

   Though it enticed him to open his eyes, the smell of something so sweet caused his stomach to churn. The last thing he had eaten that had been that sweet were the candies that Chuck, a homeless man him that his previous group ran into, offered to him. That thought added to the twisted knot forming in his gut. When he eventually opened his eyes, he found the source of the smell coming from one of the opened boxes of travel cereal being fanned beneath his nose. He glanced up to see that Eddie, sitting in the passenger seat and looking behind at Ben, was holding the box out for him. Ben sat up, using a surprisingly large amount of effort to do so before taking the offering from Eddie’s hand.

   “Thank you.” the teenager whispered, taking the time to look into the box at each individual piece of rainbow colored cereal.

   “It’s no problem. Figured you’d need it the most out of all of us.” he began to turn back around, but stopped half way and turned back to him. “By the way, you never did answer when was the last time you’ve eaten.”

   Ben didn’t look up from the box, hoping that the answer would lay somewhere hidden away in the pile of sugary breakfast cereal, him not having the answer to the question himself.

   Wyatt looked at Ben through the rearview mirror. “Do you not remember?”

   Ben’s train of thought returned to the candy Chuck gave him before they made it to the city. That might have been the last thing he had eaten, but he couldn’t be sure.

   The box slightly rattled in his fidgeting hands. “Um...I don’t know. M-Maybe a couple of months.”

   This comment made Eddie’s eyes grow wide while Wyatt just looked back to the road.

   “In that case, you better start eating.” encouraged Eddie. “It’s not much, but it’s something.”

   Ben took his advice, scooping up some of the cereal with his hand and shoveling it into his mouth, desperate for any kind food. It tasted as sickeningly sweet as it looked and smelled. Some of the dry chunks of sugar lodged their way into his throat in his eagerness and he let out small coughs.

   “Easy there.” Eddie said, pulling out a bottle of water from underneath his seat and handing it to Ben. “It’s not going anywhere. Take your time.”

   He nodded before taking a sip of the lukewarm water. Once all the chunks were cleared out, he began eating again, much slower this time, taking the time to better savor each small handful. It reminded him too much of the times where he would be late for school and he would only have time for a bowl of cereal his sister insisted on picking out at the store since she was the only one to eat it. So of course, the box would be covered in unicorns and the cereal itself was sweeter than most people would like it to be, filled with scraps of sugar dyed rainbow and marshmallows. It even tasted the same, which strangely comforted him. It wasn’t long until he emptied out the whole box and had nothing else to eat. He placed the empty box next to him and returned the bottle of water to Eddie, who he himself seemed hesitant to take it back.

   “So, uh...” Eddie started, making himself loud enough for Ben to know that he was talking to him. “Me and Wyatt have been talking about what you said yesterday, about where we’re going, and for now-” he seemed to be looking for the right thing to say. “We’re just gonna go wherever the road takes us. Just until we have any other ideas of where to go, y’know?”

   “Right...yeah.” Ben responded quietly. “Um, I hope I didn’t rush or stress you guys to come up with something or anything like that.”

   Eddie looked back at him. “Oh no no, not at all! Don’t even worry about it.” he pointed at him as if he had just remembered something. “In fact, before we found you, we were already trying to figure out where to go, so by you bringing that up, it had us thinking again. So, thanks for that.”

   “Yeah thanks.” chuckled Wyatt. “Eddie doesn’t usually do a whole lot of thinking so when he does, it makes things a lot easier.”

   "Piss off.” Eddie laughed, slightly shoving his elbow into Wyatt’s side. He cleared his throat and tamed his smile before looking back at Ben. “So, if you have any ideas of where we should go, don’t be afraid to bring them up. Like, uh, were you going anywhere before we found you?”

   Chills ran up and down his spine when his thoughts returned to that old dusty building he was forced to call his home for many nights and he didn’t even want to think about his life before that.

   “No.” he answered simply.

   Eddie’s smile dimmed some more, but then returned, more hopeful than it had been before. “Well as long as you’re with us, we’re a team and, as a team, we’re gonna figure this all out, okay? We’re gonna figure out where we’re going, what our plan is and, when the time comes…” he glanced at Wyatt before continuing. “You...are gonna figure out what you wanna do. Later on down the road, if you want to leave...then you can leave. Only when you know what you’re doing and when you have everything you need, of course.”

   For a split second, Ben had no idea what he was talking about, but then he remembered how he had insisted on them dropping him off after they found him. Though he still wasn’t sure how long he wanted to stay with them for, what he did know was that going off on his own at this point would be suicide.

   “That sound good to you?” pried Eddie. “ ‘Cause if not, we can talk abou-”

   “Jesus man.” Wyatt sighed. “Let him talk. I’ve been stuck with you for so long, God knows a need a break from your voice.

   “You don’t mean that.” his confident smile dwindled slightly before eyeing the driver nervously. “Right?”

   “I only half mean it.” ignoring the mock shock on Eddie’s face, he looked up at Ben through the rearview mirror. “So, are you good with the plan?”

   He didn’t answer at first. Why would they care what _he_ thinks? He rubbed the back of his neck, able to feel every bumpy and boney ridge his fingers ran across. “I mean...I guess so. It’s not like I have much of a choice.”

   “When you put it like that, I guess you’re right. I know you’d probably rather be anywhere else other than stuck in a car with a couple of old dudes, but I hope you understand that we’re just trying to look out for you, man.” Eddie continued to surprise Ben with how earnest he could be or at least sound. “There’s not a whole lot of people out there and some of those alive are massive assholes. How much better would we be to drop off a kid in the middle of nowhere just ‘cause he asked? I know it seems like we’re holding you hostage or whatever, but like I said, just trying to look out for you.”

   “Sounds like something a kidnapper would say.” muttered Ben, only half joking, though the blank look on his face suggested no ounce of humor in his comment.

   Wyatt couldn’t hide the smile on his face, nor could he keep his laughter to himself. “He’s got you there, Eddie. Very suspicious if you ask me.”

   His eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open as he struggled to explain himself. “Hey now, no one is holding anyone hostage, okay? Like I said, we’re in the middle of nowhere and you’re just a kid and we just found you in glorified crack house that looked like a fuckin’ bomb got dropped on it and-and-” he slowed down, taking a moment to look at Ben. “Oh...you’re joking?”

   Though he wasn’t sure entirely how he knew, Ben nodded, only then letting a tiny half of a smile slip onto his face.

   The panicked look of his face changed to that of amusement, if maybe a little exhausted. He looked at Wyatt, shaking his head and pointed at Ben with his thumb. “The kid tells _jokes_ now.”

   “And by the way,” Ben interjected, raising his voice a bit so he could be heard. “I’m _not_ a kid.”

   “How old are you?” asked Wyatt, resisting the urge to throw in a “kid” at the end of his question.

   “Eighteen.”

   Eddie laughed and sputtered a bit. “Okay, listen _kid_ , it’s time for the ol’ ‘when I was your age’ bullshit and when I was your age, I didn’t think I was a kid either. I was all like ‘I got my driver’s license, I’m growing a lil’ facial hair, I’m an adult,’ but trust me, you’re basically a baby. When I was in college and I would see seniors from high school checking out the place all I would think was ‘who let the children out on their own and where are their parents?’ Doesn’t matter if you’re eight or eighteen; you’re still just a kid.”

   “I thought you dropped out of college.” accused Wyatt. “Or am I just remembering wrong?”

   “I dropped out after like, two years.” he waved his comment away. “The point is that you’re still just a kid.”

   Ben crossed his arms. “I’m really not.”

   “I’m sorry but _who_ was just eating some unicorn fairy princess bullshit cereal just five minutes ago? Last time I checked, those were marketed to kids.”

   The edges of his cheeks became tinted red. “You were the one who gave me it. Plus, I was hungry.”

   “And there’s nothing wrong with eating it, even if it was just ‘cause you were hungry.” for the first time during the conversation, Eddie finally turned back around to face the road, kicking his feet up on the dashboard, ignoring the sour look from Wyatt. “You’re allowed to be a kid and you’re allowed to like stuff meant for kids. Doesn’t matter if you’re eighteen or twenty-eight. I know it’s hard to cherish the times where you can be a kid, especially nowadays, but you should really try. When I was young, I couldn’t wait until I was all grown up and junk like that, but as soon as left college and realized that I was an adult...I wanted to go back. So, even though I’m an adult, I made sure to never grow up.”

   Ben was at a lost for words. He didn’t know what to focus on first. He was guilty of always wanting to grow up, but no matter what, at that moment, he was just a kid. And he wasn’t the only kid living through this. His skin began to crawl when he thought of his last group and the two kids that were in it.

 

_Just a kid._

 

_He was just a kid._

 

_He was just a kid._

 

_He was just a kid._

 

_Now he’s de-_

 

  

  The car suddenly came to an abrupt halt, causing Ben to lurch forward, his hands clutching to the leather of the seats the only thing stopping him from moving forward anymore.

   "Jesus fuck!” Eddie cursed angrily.

   A lone walker stood in the middle of the road, sluggishly dragging its legs across the road before noticing the car and growling their way.

   “Just another fuckin’ dead dude.” Eddie growled back. As Wyatt continued to drive, making sure to go around it, Eddie stuck his head out the window. “Get out of the fuckin’ road, dipshit! People are tryin’ to drive around here!”    

   Once they walker was left in the dust, Eddie reclined back in his seat, chuckling at his oh so clever remark. “Anyway, like I was saying, there’s nothing wrong with being a kid _blah blah blah_ and it’s not your fault for being one.”

   “It’s all my fault.” Ben murmured, barely audible even to himself. He couldn’t even tell if it was his own voice or one of the many voices that inhabited his head.

   Eddie looked over his shoulder. “What was that? I didn’t quite catch that.”

   His shaking knuckles were beginning to grow white from how tightly he was holding onto the leather and his eyes were affixed to the ground. His mouth began to get dry and he couldn’t care less of how pale he must have looked. His shaking, however subtle, was painful and rattled every fiber of his being.

   “You alright there?” Eddie asked. “You look pretty pale. Even paler than usual. Is it car sickness?”

   Ben shook his head, swallowing hard. “N-No no no...no no it’s not that-”

   “Jesus Wyatt, you really gotta chill out with the driving and you say _I’m_ reckless behind the wheel.” he swatted Wyatt’s arm. “You’re gonna make the poor kid barf his brains out.”

   Before Wyatt could argue back, Ben shook his head. “No no it’s not that! I’m just-I just got a little lightheaded. I’m...I’m fine.” he started to lay down across the seats. “I just-I just need a little rest, that’s all.”

   This didn’t help soothe Eddie’s worries. “Are you sure? Do you need some water or-?”

   He was already fully laying down and turned to face away from them. “No...I’m good...thank you.”

   The two men up front unsurely looked at one another before looking back to the road while Ben stuck his face into seat, trying to stop his shaking and his urge to cry.

 

_Joke and smile all you want._

 

_You know what you did._

 

_And don’t you ever forget it._

 

_Run away all you want._

 

_Your guilt will live by your side._

 

   As much as he hated them, they were right. It didn’t matter that he was nowhere near his old group. It didn’t matter he joined a new one. It didn’t matter that he has learned to smile again.

   None of it mattered.

   He will always be guilty.

 


	5. A special kind of insanity

  Never in Ben’s life has he gotten this carsick. But then again, Ben’s never been on a week long road trip before in his life.

  Wyatt blamed it on the amount of pure sugar passed off as cereal he had eaten. Eddie blamed it on Wyatt’s reckless driving. Though Ben would never say it out loud, he blamed it on both of those factors along with the voices berating him as usual. 

  “Fuck.” Ben quietly cursed to himself, wiping the corner of his mouth with his sleeve.

  Wyatt thankfully pulled over quick enough for Ben to exit the car before stumbling into the field of dried grass and promptly throwing up and emptying all the food from his stomach. He clenched his eyes shut, avoiding to have to gaze upon what was leftover from the wasted food he had just dispensed with a free arm wrapped tightly around his gut. Though it helped relieve some of the stress, he could still feel his stomach bubbling and the back of his throat tickle, threatening to throw up once more. But he knew that there was nothing left but bile. He straightened his back out and looked out onto the barren field that laid out in front of him. Thankfully, they were still as empty as ever with no walkers in sight, yet the emptiness didn’t help. He glanced back to see Wyatt and Eddie, leaning against the front of the car, talking to one another. His eyes returned to the fields. The only movement that caught his attention was the swaying of the grass thanks to the little wind that rolled over the land. It would look nice if it weren’t for the small puddle of vomit at his feet and the valid fear that the once peaceful land could overflow with hoards of the undead at any second. Despite the fear, his feet stayed strongly rooted in place and his eyes fixated ahead of him. 

 

_ Run. _

 

  “Why?” Ben huffed out. Rarely does he try to talk back, but this time, he couldn’t help himself. “It’s useless.”

 

_ Like you. _

 

  It’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it? Letting yourself be pushed around and being tossed petty insults by a voice in your head. Or at least, it was pathetic in Ben’s eyes.

  “I won’t run, I-I _ can’t _ run. There’s nothing out there and they won’t let me leave and-and-”

  “Hey kid.”   

  His mouth slammed shut once he heard one of the older men approaching. Eddie came up besides him.  

  “You alright?” he asked, eyeing him up and down. 

  Ben nodded, refusing to reciprocate eye contact with him. “Yeah. Could be doing better though, I guess.

  The corner of his mouth raised up. “What? Are you tellin’ me you’d rather be anywhere else other than out in a field puking your guts out? Crazy…”

  He wanted to smile, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to do so.

  “I really am sorry you  _ did  _ end up getting sick. I told Wyatt to slow down, but noooo!” he gently nudged Ben in the side, so gentle in fact that Ben didn’t even notice at first. “Hey, want me to punch him for you? ‘Cause I’ll totally do it. Just give me the word and I’ll go up to him and bam!” his over exaggerated punch was joined by an equally comical sound. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done it.”

  Ben finally gained the energy to smile. “No, no it’s fine. You don’t have to-” he paused, the short lived smile slipping away. “It’s fine.”

  Eddie didn’t answer at first, choosing to instead gaze out into the field, just as Ben was doing. He sighed. “I, uh, I have myself to blame too. I am the one that fed you that sugary crap to begin with.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “It’s really not.” Eddie argued. “Here, just-” he pulled something out from his pocket and offered it to Ben. “Just take this, y’know, as an apology.”

  Ben saw that he held out one of the packets of beef jerky he found while exploring the gas station. “But...I already ate.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, most of that food has just been barfed out.” he took Ben’s hand, surprising said owner of hand, placed the packet in it and closed his fingers around it. “And before you go and start worrying about  _ us, _ worry about yourself, alright? You need the protein more than we do.” he patted his hand and turned around to start heading back to the car, making sure to turn around one last time. “We’re ready to get going as soon as you are.”

  To say Ben was speechless would be an understatement. He looked down at his hand at the beef jerky in disbelief and contemplated whether or not to eat it in the first place. Not knowing what they would do if he didn’t eat it, he tore apart packaging. “Tough” and “salty” were words best to describe it, yet he had to admit that it was much better than the cereal. Still chewing on the jerky, he stuffed the packaging into his pocket and began to make his way back to Wyatt and Eddie.

  “Better?”

  Ben nodded, looking down at his feet. “Sorry.” 

  “And why are  _ you _ sorry?" Wyatt questioned with a raised eyebrow. “Eddie fed you straight up diabetes in a box and I’ll be the bigger man in admitting that my driving isn’t the best, but why are  _ you _ apologizing?”

  “Uh,” he wasn’t even sure himself. He was so used to always messing things up, apologizing became second nature to him. “I’m sorry for-” he swallowed “-making you pull over?” 

  Wyatt stayed silent for a moment, never taking his eyes off the road. “Dumb reason to be sorry if you ask me.” 

  Upon hearing the small remark, Eddie swatted his arm. Wyatt retaliated with a confused look. Eddie seemed to answer his question as he lightly jerked his head to point at Ben for a brief second.

  “Ah, sorry, what I meant to say was-” he pushed some loose strands of hair from his face. “You...don’t need to be sorry. It’s all okay. It’s all good. We’re not in any rush. No dead dudes for miles, it seems.” a box of cigarettes found its way into Wyatt’s palm, fiddling with it before eventually pulling out one. “Needed some fresh air anyways.”

  “You say as you’re about to smoke one out.” teased Eddie. An amused laugh left Eddie as Wyatt raised a middle finger his way. Though he mocked him for it, he made a grabbing motion towards the carton. “Gimme one.”  

  Wyatt huffed, clearly annoyed by the other and leaned away from his spot and began to walk around back to the trunk. “Get your own cigs.”

  The remaining man left behind with Ben looked over to the teenager with a baffled look on his face. He signaled for Ben to sit down next to him at the front of the car so of course, he complied.

  “Today’s just a fuckin’ day of apologies, isn’t it?” Eddie noted while Ben made himself comfortable.

  “What do you mean?”

  “All just taking turns being sorry.” he sounded exhausted and Ben couldn’t blame him. Eddie pointed behind him with his thumb. “And it’s my turn to be sorry about Wyatt again. Hasn’t been himself lately. I promise, he’s usually not this much of an asshole.”

  Ben looked behind to see if he could spot Wyatt. “What’s he doing?”

  “Eh, most likely getting a match to light up. Also probably just trying to keep himself busy with all the stuff we got back there. He does that a lot. Keeping himself busy, I mean. That’s all you can really do nowadays.”

  Ben could see what he meant. The need to keep ones mind busy from the hell they were enduring was one that Ben felt constantly, especially when he was stuck back in the city. He could recall countless hours spent wasted away on meaningless thoughts while trying to distract himself and he knew then that he couldn’t possibly be the only one going through such a thing.

  “Right.” Ben said, finally commenting on Eddie’s response. 

  Things were starting to get quiet again. Too quiet.

  “Um,” Ben started to speak up again. “How did the, uh, two of you meet? Like, did you meet when things went to shit or-?”

  “Me and Wyatt?” he chuckled, leaning back on the hood of the car, resting one of his legs on the other. “No no no...no. No, me and Wyatt, we’ve known each other for as long as I can remember. Since we were damn kids.” though the smile never wavered, Ben could notice it becoming somewhat sad. “When we were, like, ten I think, he moved out of state due to family stuff. Anyways, a couple years later he came back and I was of course ecstatic to have my ol’ partner in crime back in town. After that, we went to different colleges, but never once lost touch.” he opened his arms out. “And here we are now!” a full smile spread out across his lips. “Y’know, if you would’ve told me ten years ago that in the future I’d be out on permanent road trip with him and the two of us were kicking ass more than ever, I’d probably believe you. Minus all the dead dudes walkin’ around and eating people though, of course.”

  “Wow.” Ben exclaimed, genuinely impressed. “Crazy that two people can stay friends for that long.” he wouldn’t know anything about long lasting friendships like that. Though he of course had friends growing up, usually after two or three years, they would just begin to drift apart. Whether it was due to moving up grades, changing schools, gaining and losing different interests or a falling out that never resolved itself.

  Eddie groaned loudly. “Way to make me feel old.”

  “Sorry…” he looked back at him, still relaxing against the hood, now with his hands in his face. “Uh... can I, um, ask how old you are?”

  “You’re really gonna make me say it, aren’t you?” his hands slid down to rest on his stomach. “I’m damn well near thirty.”

  Ben knitted his brows together. “Thirty isn’t  _ that _ old, is it?”

  “No, not at all.” Ben whipped his head around to see Wyatt returning from the back, a now lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. He smacked Eddie’s feet to make room for him. “He’s just complaining that he can’t be in his twenties forever.”

  Annoyed, Eddie lightly kicked Wyatt’s side.

  “He was just telling me about how you two have known each other for so long.” Ben said, catching Wyatt up to date with their conversation.

  “Sadly, it’s true.” he ignored yet another jab to his side. “Can’t even believe it myself, to be honest.” he took a long drag from his cigarette and puffed out the smoke out of the corner of his mouth as he turned around to point it Eddie’s way. “Kick me again and I  _ will _ burn you.”

  Eddie himself didn’t seem too worried despite Wyatt’s warning and the concerned expression on Ben’s face. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

  “A promise.”

  Without missing a single beat, Eddie shoved his foot into his back before rolling off the hood of the car, making sure Ben moved out of the way first so he wouldn’t end up being bulldozed. Ben took a couple of steps back once Wyatt got off the hood too and began to chase Eddie, who was already circling around to the trunk. Ben would be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little worried. He knew they were good friends, but the sudden rush of action startled him. Eventually, Wyatt caught up to Eddie and made due with his promise, quickly sticking the butt of the cigarette into his palm. He yelled in pain, yet his smug smile never fully left his face as the yell evolved into loud laughter.

  “That stung, asshole!”

  “I know! That’s the point!”

  He shoved his chest, still laughing. “Fuck you!”

  “I told you it was a promise!” he shoved his shoulder in return. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Eddie didn’t answer back immediately, shaking his head. “Fuckwad.”

  “Bitch.”

  “Dick.”

  “Dumbass.”

  He pointed up at Wyatt. “This isn’t over. When you least expect it, I  _ will  _ get you back.”

  “Is that a threat or a promise?”

  Eddie’s eyes darted over to Ben, watching from a distance, just thankful that things didn’t  escalate too far. “That’s a promise. That’s a damn promise.” he began to walk back over to the front with Wyatt following close behind. “I already promised Ben I’d punch you in the face and I won’t back down from it.”

  Upon hearing his name, Ben perked his head up timidly.

  “Oh really now?” asked Wyatt, not sounding too interested. He flicked the half burnt out cigarette onto the road and stomped on it. 

  “I didn’t- I didn’t tell him he had to do that.” Ben blurted out, not wanting to be thrown in the middle of their banter.

  Wyatt waved the comment away. “Oh trust me kid, I know. You don’t seem like the kind of person to ask someone to punch someone else in the face for them. On the other hand, Eddie is the ‘I’d punch someone in the face for a nickel’ kind of person.”

  “Am not! If anything, I’d punch anyone in the face for five bucks.”

  “Is that really any better?”

  “Yes, Wyatt, it is. I have standards, unlike you.”

  “You’re livin’ proof of that.”

  Although it seemed like just another comment in one of their back and forths, Ben could notice Eddie’s playful demeanor dim slightly at it. His smile still remained, if not now a sad one. He nodded and shrugged as if to say “fair enough.”

  “I’m kidding, idiot.” the word “idiot” accompanied with a soft push to the shoulder, showing a kind of affection Ben had no idea could be shown with a shove.

  It didn’t take long for the previously glum smile to return to its smug self. “I know.”

  Before Wyatt could swat him again, Eddie looked ahead of the road and as he saw what waited for them a few miles away, his smile fully vanished into thin air. “Ah shit. Party’s over.”

  Confused and even a little scared, the other two looked to see a small, but nonetheless, threatening group of walkers stumbling and dragging themselves to wherever their hunger for flesh and thirst for blood would take them.

  “They’re slow as shit, but yeah, we should get going. We waste anymore time and they’ll be on our asses before we know it.” 

  Instead of Wyatt taking over the wheel as usual, he tossed the keys to Eddie who climbed into the driver’s seat as Wyatt took his place as the passenger. As for Ben, he scrambled into the backseat and before he could have a chance to buckle up or even adjust himself, he lurched forward and the screeching sounds of rubber against asphalt filled his ears as they peeled off.

  “For fuck’s sake, Eddie-!”

  “I know, I know! I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” just by that small exclamation by Wyatt, Ben could feel how tense Eddie had gotten. “I just- you know how much I suck at getting it going. Don’t worry, I got it now!” 

  The car grew eerily quiet after that. But not for long.

  “Who’s a shitty driver?”

  Eddie remained silent.

  “I said ‘who’s a shitty driver?’ Eddie.”

  He eyed outside his window. “...I am.”

  “I’m sorry...what was that?”

  “I am.“ he said, a bit louder.

  Wyatt shook his head, holding back a wide grin best he could. “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.” he looked behind at Ben. “What about you kid? Did  _ you _ hear him? Cause I know I sure as hell didn’t.”

  He promised himself not to get in the middle of their banter, however…

  “I didn’t hear him either.”

  Eddie took a double take at Ben in the rearview mirror, seeing the same grin being held back.

  Shaking his head in disbelief, he let out a huff of a laugh.

  “Bastards. Fine, I’m a shitty driver. Happy?”

  “Yep.”

   Things after that stayed quiet. Wyatt fell asleep while Eddie kept his stare glued ahead of him and Ben merely pretended to be asleep, in hopes of actually joining Wyatt in rest. He replayed the events of the day like he would often do with fond memories he had back before when things were normal. Obviously, this group was nothing like his last one. Nothing about them even seemed familiar to his previous life. Sure, at times, they seemed completely unhinged, some people would even call them straight up insane. But to Ben, it was a warm kind of crazy. A special kind of insanity not looking to maliciously hurt anyone, but to protect best they can despite their glaring flaws and though Ben knew to never get too comfy too fast, he oddly felt safe around them. They burned each other with the lit ends of cigarettes, swore the other up and down like there was no tomorrow,  but damn it...he’s be lying if he said he’s never felt safer. They called him a kid yet weren’t afraid to talk to him and treat him like an adult. He couldn’t say the same about the others. The smiles and laughs and were never forced. The way they looked him in the eye and without holding an ounce of annoyance made him feel human again and not like just some pest they were trying find an excuse to get rid of.

  They saved him.

  They  _ chose _ to save him.

  They chose to risk their lives for a filthy wreck of a teenager they found in a filthy wreck of a building in a filthy wreck of a city. By all accounts, he was nobody. He was nothing. He was a bag of bones veiled by bleached skin and dead eyes. Someone could mistake him for the dead and who could blame them? He found it difficult enough to breath and move his joints around so how could he be expected to live? Everything was pitted against him.

  But he didn’t die.

  He lived.

  He lived and for the first time in months, he felt alive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kinda a fluff chapter, just to build things up and to have them all start to get use to each other in a way  
> Sorry if it wasn't as exciting or interesting as the previous chapters ^^


	6. Sweet dreams

   There’s always something about dreams that makes them feel so real.

   Ben’s dreams are no exception to this observation and though he had been lucky the past week with Wyatt and Eddie with not even hints of dreams, this time, he hadn’t been so lucky.

   In his mind, it was far from a dream. It wasn’t even a nightmare.

   It felt like hell.

 

   He could feel the freezing cold air whip and wrap itself around Ben’s body before he could even get a chance to survey his surroundings. So for that brief second of black nothingness, all he could feel was the cold. Once things finally came clear, he let out a choked gasp, as if he had been holding his breath for an agonizingly long time. As he continued gasping for breath, he looked around and saw he stood in the middle of a forest. Snow heavily caked each tree and every one of its piney branches. He took a step, wincing at the feeling of snow burning against the bare soles of his feet. He looked down and saw that, not only were his feet bare of any shoes, but he looked to be in an old pair of pajamas he used to own. Hesitantly, he looked back up and took another step, trying his best to ignore the pain. He could barely see a thing thanks to how dark it was and the dense fog that surrounded him. The crunching of his feet against the snow and the low howling of the wind were the only sounds he could hear. Attempting to warm himself up, he rubbed his shoulders, but the action itself proving to be futile. Then, without warning, the howling abruptly stopped and upon noticing that, so did he. Now only his shaky breaths managed to break through the silence. He tried to take another step, but couldn’t find the courage to do so. The air around him began to grow rapidly colder and colder by the second, showing no signs of stopping any time soon. Shaking harshly, he swallowed hard and tried to say something. He found that no words could be able to slip past his mouth, his mouth silently opening and closing like a fish out of water. The sound of howling wind was then finally replaced with what seemed to be the moaning and groaning of walkers and from the sounds of things, they were getting closer. Instead of running, he dropped to his knees, crying out in pain from the burning snow gnawing at his legs, in turn finding out he wasn’t as mute as he thought he was.  

   Wh-?” he started weakly . “Wha-What is-?”

   His words fell upon deaf ears and were then again muted by the groans.

   He desperately looked around. He had to have been the only living thing for miles. The crunching of slow footsteps and noises of the dead were practically on top of him as he clenched his eyes shut in hopes that he would wake up.

   And then, through the crowd of grunts and growls, he heard a voice.

   “Fuckin’ rot.”

 

   When Ben suddenly shot up from his seat in a cold sweat and gasping for air, to say it startled Wyatt and Eddie would be underplaying the sheer panic they felt for those fleeting moments. Eddie even climbed out of the passenger seat and into the backseat with Ben, not giving Wyatt a single chance to slow down. As Ben’s eyes darted around the night stricken area that surround him to see if he was back in their car, Eddie tried his best to calm his nerves.

  “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” he offered his reassurance through a hushed tone Ben didn’t expect could come out of a person like him. “Did you have a nightmare or-?” Ben hurriedly nodded his head before he could finish and Eddie continued, his hand on his arm, swiping his thumb over his shoulder. “Okay, but you’re fine now. It wasn’t real, you know that, right? Whatever it was, it didn’t really happen.”

  Ben nodded again, looking straight down into his shaking hands laying in his lap.

  “Hey.” Eddie tilted his head downwards, making sure to maintain eye contact with him. When Ben accepted the eye contact he usually dreaded to share with another person, he could feel the shaking and heavy breathing slow down significantly. Once Eddie was confident that he’d calm down, he gave a crack of a smile. “It’s all okay, alright?”

   "Yeah.” Ben sighed, reciprocating the eye contact only for a second longer. “Thank you. I-I’m so sorry I just-”

   “You’re fine.” joined Wyatt. “We can’t blame you for having nightmares so you shouldn’t be blaming yourself either.” he looked back at them through the rearview mirror. “If it makes you feel any better, Eddie and I have nightmares  _ all the time. _ It’s kinda normal at this point, which sucks, but what can you do about it?”

   “I guess, yeah.”

   “I mean, judging by where we found you, it’s not crazy to believe that, like most people now, you’ve seen some fucked up shit.” Eddie continued, lifting his hand from Ben’s shoulder and gesturing vaguely to Ben, himself and the driver. “If that’s the case, we’re all on the same boat together. Or car in this case.” he gritted his teeth at his own remark and looked down. “Oh God, that was so fuckin’ dumb, wasn’t it?”   


   Ben shrugged, letting out a huff of laughter. “Yeah...it was pretty bad.”

   “You said it, not me.” Wyatt laughed. “At least you’re finally becoming self aware of how dumb your jokes are. A little late if you ask me, but better late than never.”

   “How late?”

   He didn’t answer at first, instead looking back at Eddie again in the mirror. “How many years have we known each other again?”

   As Eddie sat mouth agape, Ben bit his lip, trying to not let anymore laughter seep out.

   Wyatt waved his previous question away. “Never mind, I’ll just say thirty years too late to be safe.”

   He leaned forward and swatted his shoulder. “Shut up.”

   Once the laughter died down, Wyatt’s own smile tamed.

   "The point, Ben, is that you don’t have to be sorry for being scared. It’s alright to have a nightmare or two. It’s only natural.”  

   “I know.” mumbled Ben. “It just...startled me, that’s all.”

   Eddie leaned forward and grabbed his water bottle from the front seat and passed it to Ben. Eddie didn’t even need to tell him how dehydrated he looked. He knew it himself and didn’t hesitate to gulp down half the bottle. As he finished and placed the bottle by his hip, sighing in relief, Eddie’s eyes stayed glued to him.

   “You’re starting to look better.”

   “What?” Ben questioned, not sure what he was getting at.

   “Well, when we found you, you weren’t in the best of shape.” his eyebrows creased in concern. “I think even you knew that.”

   He got him there.

   Though the concerned look never left, a hopeful smile took over his lips. “But like I said, it seems like you’re getting better.” he squeezed his arm, careful not to do so too hard. “You’re starting to gain some more weight. It’s not crazy noticeable, but it’s noticeable enough. There’s more color in your cheeks, your eyes aren’t as glazed over...I can’t really say much more since we didn’t know you before we found you, but from I’ve seen, you’re doing a lot better than you were before.”

   He allowed himself a small smile as his eyes returned to his hands resting in his lap. “Yeah. Anything beats my old living situation, I guess” he realized how that must have sounded and looked up, timidly shaking his head. “Not that there’s anything wrong with you guys, I just-”

   “It’s okay.” Eddie reassured him for what felt like the millionth time that day. “We know what you meant. I’m just glad we got you out of there when we did. Who knows what could have happened to you if you stayed any longer.”

   A lot of things could have happened and Ben knew that more than anything. Walkers, bandits, dying of natural causes and he wasn’t even sure which one was worse.

   “And another thing,” began Eddie, trying to find the right words to use as he tugged at the helm of his beanie. “I’m...glad you’ve stuck around for this long. I know that it’s only really because you don’t have many other choices, but still. Even after you start to really feel better,” his smile grew sheepishly. “I hope you decide to stay a little longer.”

   They  _ really _ still wanted him to stay.

   “Why?” Ben didn’t even think twice to ask, which in hindsight, he should have. As soon as he asked, he mentally kicked himself from how cold his question sounded.

   Eddie didn’t notice Ben’s tone or maybe he just chose to ignore it. “You’re obviously a good kid, from what little I do know and say what you will about groups, but at least you don’t really ever feel lonely. From the start of this, it’s just been Wyatt and I and I don’t know about you, but a group of two people is good, but it sometimes doesn’t feel like enough. It’s not just about safety though. At least, not anymore.” he seemed to be struggling with his words more and more by the second. “I’m not all that good with my words, especially when I’m tired as shit, but I just want you to know that if you still want to stay after you’ve gotten better, you can.” he yawned. “Okay?”

   He nodded. “Yeah. Um, actually, I was kinda thinking the same thing. I’m still a little unsure, but I think I’d like to stay too.”

   Eddie nodded back. “Okay, okay. It’s good that you’re unsure. It makes you think about it more, y’know? Anyway,” he pointed his head back to the passenger seat where he sat. “I’m gonna get some more shut-eye. You should too.”

   “I will.”

   “Okay. Good.” and with that, he climbed back into the front seat besides Wyatt, who mostly stayed silent during Ben’s little episode and during his and Eddie’s conversation.

   Feeling his eyes begin to droop, he sprawled himself back across the back seats, facing away from the front. He could feel his knees gravitate up towards his chest into the fetal position and his hands ball up against his face. His eyes finally stuttered shut while he tried to force his stubborn body to sleep. As he did so, Wyatt’ and Eddie’s voices, now only muffled, reached this ears.

   “-getting attached?” he could hear Wyatt ask. 

   Eddie scoffed quietly. “And you’re not?”

   “Dunno. Obviously likes you more. Can’t blame him.”

   “You’re annoying when you’re nice.”

   “Right back at you.”

   More quiet words were exchanged, but it was nothing more than white noise to him. From what little he could make out, the words had a much more pleasant feel to them and ended as quickly as it started, leaving the car silent asides from wind whooshing by and the gravelly asphalt beneath them.

   He fell asleep feeling safer than he had did when he had woken up and no more nightmares interrupted him for the rest of the night.

   He forgot about the woods. He forgot about the fog. He forgot about the burning snow against his feet and the unseen walkers.

   He even forgot about the voice that had woken him up. That angry, southern drawl that had burned itself into his memory. 

   The one that screamed the loudest before he was left for dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little on the short side and more filler, but I hope you still enjoyed it ^^  
> also thank u for waiting ^^


	7. Things never change

  “I spy with my little eye, something...dry and brown-”

  “The grass.”

  “Well that was too easy! Okay um, I spy with my little eye, something blue-”

  “The sky.”

  “I spy-!”

  “The road.”

  In defeat, Eddie groaned and kicked his feet up on the dashboard, lazily throwing his head back. “How did you know? Can you fuckin’ read minds now?!”

  “No, it’s because there’s literally nothing else around!”

  The bickering Ben heard as he laid sprawled out across the backseat, half asleep, was thanks to Eddie’s genius idea to play I spy, though it didn’t take long for Wyatt to poke holes in his plan. 

  “Man, you suck!”

  “You’re the one that wanted to play a game that lasts exactly ten seconds. Next time, pick a better game.”

  “Oh I’m sorry! How about some Monopoly or Uno next time, huh? Does that sound better to you?” 

  “You suck at those too.”

  After a moment of silence on Eddie’s end, he chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  As they both grew quiet again, he allowed his eyes to fully shut and though he wasn’t as tired as he usually was, it felt good just to give his eyes a break. He had wasted so many hours awake in that dusty old building he used to call his home that he spent a lot of time in the car just sleeping. A part of him felt bad, like he was just freeloading or not helping them, but then again, they never really complained. On the contrary: they encouraged it. They could tell how worn out he had been for so long, so Ben saw it as not only them giving him a break, but life as a whole giving him a break. Even if at times he didn’t think he deserved it, he slept more and better than he had in months. The two men up front resumed conversation yet Ben tuned most of it out, not intentionally, mind you. 

  “-bout you, Ben?”

  “Hm?” he tiredly hummed. Once it clicked that they were talking to him, his eyes flickered open and he quickly sat up, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of his wide eyes. “What? Were you talking to me?”

  “Yeah, I was.” Eddie responded casually. “Asked you what kind of games you liked. Y’know, board games, card games, video games...stuff like that. If it’s a board game or card game that’s your favorite, I’ll be sure to be on the look for it next time we’re scouting for supplies. Not sure about video games though.”

  “Wow, that’s, uh, nice of you to offer, but to be honest, I don’t really play a lot of games like that. I mean, my...dad taught me how to play solitaire. But that’s about it.”

  When his father was brought up, Ben could immediately see Eddie’s expression droop slightly and he knew that he wanted oh so desperately to ask about him and the rest of his family, but he stayed silent on the matter. “Solitaire, huh? Well, guess I’ll be on the lookout for some cards then. And if I find some, hell, maybe I’ll even teach you how to play poker.” 

  “Eddie, don’t you know that you have to be able to  _ play _ it before you can  _ teach _ it?” Wyatt interrupted with a sly smile on his face.

  “I know how to play poker, you jackass!” 

  “Say that to the hundred dollars you lost that one time.”

  “Yeah, but that, was like,  _ one time _ though! I won back like fifty that other game.”

  “Well congratulations then.” 

  Eddie decided to completely drop the issue and looked back at Ben. “So, no video games, hm? What’d you do to waste your time then?” 

  “Not much, I guess. I was always too busy with school and family stuff. I mean, I got to hang out with my friends every once in a while, but that’s about it.”

  “Man,” Eddie sighed. “if that’s the case, we had  _ very _ different high school experiences. I was barely ever home, busy with friends and parties and stuff like that. I didn’t really give a shit about school to be perfectly honest. I know that’s bad of me to say, but I never said I was a good role model, now did I?”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he could just tell by looking and listening to you.” laughed Wyatt.

  Eddie waved the remark aside, continuing to ignore him and chat up Ben. “I’ll have to tell you about some of the crazy shit I got into another time.” his expression and even demeanor changed from air-headed nostalgia to that of genuine curiosity, his voice even becoming softer. “I bet you were a good kid.”

  He nervously plucked the sleeve of his jacket. “From what I’ve been told...I guess I was. I never really got into fights or did anything too irresponsible and my grades were pretty decent.”

  “Were you in any sports related stuff?” asked Eddie gesturing to his letterman jacket.

  “Um,” he looked down at it as if noticing it for the first time. “Y-yeah, I was.”

  This seemed to excite him. “Oh! Lemme try to guess! Hmm…” he tilted his head as if to get a better view of him. Ben didn’t seem bothered by it, even smiling awkwardly as he couldn’t help himself but do so. That’s when Eddie snapped his fingers dramatically. “Football! Total meathead, eh? You have it written all over your face!”

  He shook his head, unable to better hide the small smile forming across his lips. “No. Try again.”

  “I dunno, lacrosse?” Wyatt then chimed in. “You seem like a lacrosse kind of guy.”

  “Not a bad guess, but no.”

  Just as it looked they were both stumped, Eddie gave it another try. “Basketball?”

  “Yeah, you’re actually right.” Ben answered, sounding fairly surprised.

  “Really?” he exclaimed. “Oh man, didn’t think I’d get it right. But, I shouldn’t be too surprised. I mean, you’re-” he clicked his tongue, trying to find the right word to use. “...tall?”

  He could see Wyatt’s face scrunch up in amused confusion as Ben quietly laughed. “Thanks, I guess. It didn’t really matter if you were tall or not, you just had to be good at the sport.” he averted his eyes from Eddie’s, obviously embarrassed. “I wasn’t the best player on the team, to be honest. I mean, I wasn’t awful...but still.”

  “Hey, at least you were _ in _ a sports team. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to make it into one even if I tried.”

  “He’s right.” agreed Wyatt. “Should’ve seen him back in high school. He was only active when running from the cops.”

  “Running from the cops?” Ben asked, somewhat nervous. “Did that happen often?” 

  “Eh, not really.” from the sound of his tone, it must have not been a big deal according to Eddie. “Just when parties would get a little out of control. Besides, I never got caught.”

  Eddie really was right: during their high school years, they sat on completely opposite sides of the spectrum. Ben had never even gotten detention from what little he could recall of his life before, yet here was Eddie, proving the age old stereotype of students like him to be true. He even tried to picture what he would look like when he was his age, but it proved to be nearly impossible. Though his face held the eyes and sly grin of teenage delinquent who never truly grew up into an adult, his coarse and rough hands, the prominent bags under those eyes and the few stray gray hairs he could see nestled within his beard made it too difficult to picture him as any other age. The more he tried to picture him in high school...the more a mental image of Travis came through. A lump made itself present in his throat and trying to swallow it away yielded no results. He shouldn’t have been  _ that _ affected by it; they weren’t even that close of friends. But that didn’t mean he wanted it that way. He was cool, or at least cooler than him. He wasn’t afraid to get into a few fist fights that landed him in detention, unlike the rest of the students Ben knew and he could to some extent admire that about him. The lump grew larger as Travis’s final moments flashed throughout his head. His eyes dropped down to his hands, his smile fully disintegrating.

  Eddie noticed this change in his mood, turning around best he could to better face Ben. “Hey.” once he knew he got his attention back, he continued. “Hey, you alright?”

  He sighed and shook his head, trying to dismiss the question. “It’s nothing.”

  Eddie shook his own head. “No, whatever it is, it’s something.”

  “Really, it’s nothing.”

  “C’mon…”

  “It’s nothing okay? It’s just-” he could hear his voice rise slightly so he stopped himself before finishing up in a lower tone. “It’s just that...you kinda remind me of someone...that’s all.”

  Though he didn’t know the whole story, he knew enough. “Oh Ben...I-I’m sorry if I brought up anyth-”

  “You didn’t.” he hated interrupting others, but he found himself wanting to run away from the whole topic. “Really, you didn’t. It’s okay. I just...don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

  “Okay.” Eddie replied softly, still wearing a concerned look across his face. He leaned back in his seat.

  The fleeting seconds of silence cut through the air harshly before Ben decided to speak up about something that’s been on his mind.

  “Why...do you wanna know so much about me?” he asked, referring to the questions Eddie had been asking him. “I don’t really understand.”  

  “Is it a crime to try to get to know someone?”

  “I guess not, but...why? Why do you want to know all this dumb crap about myself?”

  “First of all, it’s not ‘dumb crap.’ It’s who you are, which  _ isn’t _ dumb. You may think it’s dumb, but I don’t. What I’m trying to get at is that...I want to know who you were. Who you  _ are, _ y’know? You don’t have to tell us everything, but hell, if you’re gonna be staying with us for a while, might as well use some of the time to get to know one another.” he turned around to get a better look at Ben. “Now, if that doesn’t sound good to you, that’s fine.” he finished with the click of his tongue. “But I’m sure I’ll get ya to talk more at some point.”

  “What, are you planning on interrogating him?”

  “Yeah,” chuckled Ben. “it did kinda sound like you were threatening me.”

  An exhausted sigh left Eddie. “I swear to God...really?” a groan followed. “Just forget it, okay? If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. Okay?”

  “Fair enough.” it was already pretty fair. He wasn’t entirely against the idea of them getting to know him, but he just didn’t know how much information he would be willing to share. He knew where his boundaries stood, but they stood a steep, rocky slope he risked falling into at every second. Things always lead to another and he could find himself tumbling before he had time to notice. If they started asking the really specific questions, he wasn’t about to lie, but that doesn’t mean he would answer. “I think I’m good on questions for now.” he laid back down. “I can only answer so many a day, so check in with me tomorrow.”

  “Still tired?”

  “Mhm.” droned Ben. “When I wake up, you can ask me about my childhood and stuff like that.”  his words were so jumbled and meshed together, he had trouble understanding himself. However, it seemed Wyatt and Eddie didn’t share this problem of his.

  “Oh yeah?” Eddie encouraged. “Is that a promise?”

   In his heart of hearts, he knew Eddie was only joking. This didn’t stop Ben’s dizzy head from being filled to the brim with what he could only describe as warm honey dripping directly into his skull. Some of it even managed to trickle through his throat and into his chest. It tangled itself within his ribcage and continued to aimlessly drip. It tickled, but it warmed him up at the same time. There was just something about that question that Ben couldn’t find the words or energy to even try to explain.

  “I promise.” distant, but nonetheless sincere.

 

  Darkness surrounded him as it did in his mind nights ago. But this time, it stayed that way. No forest took his place and no frigid air wrapped around his body. 

  In fact, he felt warm.

  The honey dripping down his insides never seemed to leave. While it was only a mild sensation in the waking world, here, he could feel every warm drop that slid down his throat and around his ribs. It certainly felt strange. Not bad...just strange. He held no ounce of fear as he found that he couldn’t move nor did he make any more attempts to change that. The only real movement he could feel from his body came from his chest and stomach, slowly raising and falling in tune with his breathing. 

 

_ Where is it coming from? _

 

  He could hear his own questioning voice from the back of his head. Still, nothing continued to faze him as more drops landed in his stomach. It prickled against his lungs and slid down his spine, some getting stuck between the joints of the bones. He could feel it everywhere. 

 

_ Who cares? _

 

  He couldn’t pinpoint who the voice belonged to. Maybe it was still him. More and more came down. It felt nice. A sweet flavor was beginning to develop to it all. Subtle, but still noticeable. Eventually, he could feel it start to pool at the base of his body. Not just in his stomach. It sought out to try to fill every crevice that it could. Bubbling slightly, it slowly began to rise.

 

_ Who cares? _

 

  The corners of his mouth twitched and soon curled into a crooked smile.

 

_ Who cares? _

 

  It reached his ribs and he could feel his breathing slow down significantly.

 

_ Maybe things will be good. _

 

  His smile never wavered as climbed up higher and higher in his body. He could hear tiny cracks, most likely parts of his ribs collapsing.

 

_ Maybe… _

 

  It crawled up his sides and filled out the entirety of his ribcage or what was left of it. It wasn’t long until his heart was completely engulfed, still thumping, however slow. Fear somehow managed to stay absent from Ben’s mind during all of this. Even as the gooey substance creeped dangerously close to the bottom of his throat.

 

_ Maybe… _

 

  Closer and higher it bubbled, the taste becoming all the more prominent.

 

_ Maybe… _

 

  Still no reaction even when it made the halfway point.

 

_ Maybe things will- _

 

   Just as it reached his tongue, something in him snapped and so did he. His once relaxed, tired eyes, bulged open, even though he couldn’t see a thing. He forced out deep, heavy breaths, despite how painful and useless it proved to be. He clawed at his neck in desperation as fat globs of hot tears rolled down his cheeks. Agonized cries found themselves trapped in the prison of goo clogging up his throat and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t break through it. He pried his mouth open and lost for other options, tried to scoop out as much as he could with his fingers. Another fruitless attempt as he could feel it making little to no impact. More and more tears cascaded down his face. At this point, the disgustingly sweet flavor of the syrup like substance became tainted with a strong iron taste unmistakable to Ben. More than anything did he want his eyes to close so he could just make it stop, but the tears forcing their way out made it difficult. His arms dropped to his sides in defeat, his body shaking in fear and utter pain as he didn’t know what else to do.

 

_ Things never change...why don't you know this? _

 

 

  Upon waking up, he sharply inhaled through his nostrils, taking the time to clasp his hand tightly over his chest, only letting go when he could feel his own heartbeat. Once his heart rate and breathing settled, he noticed that the car wasn’t moving. Just as he was about to panic, he saw that they were parked on the side of the road at night, Wyatt sleeping in the driver’s seat. He also noticed he was no longer laying across the back seats, instead sitting up, one of his hands clasping onto the leather of the seat with a death grip. He slowly released it before lifting up his hand and running it over the back of his neck, cringing at how sweaty and damp it felt. Once he relaxed and leaned back, he could feel someone sitting besides him.

  “Feel up to talking about that childhood of yours?” but from the quiet and knowing tone of Eddie’s voice, he already knew the answer.

  “No.” Ben choked out. A few stray tears trickled down his face and he quickly wiped them away with his sleeve, sniffling. “No, I-I...I don’t.”

  “That’s okay.” his reassurance sounded sad to Ben’s ears. “I understand.”

  Carefully, Eddie placed his hand on Ben’s shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. This only helped more tears to escape Ben’s tear ducts. He looked down, allowing them to spill out onto his hands in his lap, continuing to weakly sniffle.

  “I’m sorry.” 

  Slowly, Ben looked up, inspecting Eddie with puzzled eyes.

  Eddie must’ve noticed how confused he looked. “I’m sorry if I brought up bad shit or pressured you to answer anything you didn’t want to.”

  He stumbled over his words before managing a sentence. “No...n-no you didn’t, really.”

  Even his small huff of a laugh sounded dejected. “I don’t really believe you...but I won’t push it.” he moved his hand over to his other shoulder, in turn having his arm wrapped around him, pulling him closer. “I just want you to get back to sleep, okay? That’s all I want.”

  Ben nodded, fully shutting his eyes before hesitantly lowering his head on Eddie’s. As he continued to rub his shoulder, Eddie could feel his shaking slow to a stop and his tears dried out for the most part. 

  Even as he fell back asleep relatively peacefully, he could still faintly taste iron at the back of his throat.  

 


	8. New deadweight

  He couldn’t be certain for how long he had slept for nor for how long he sat there awake, refusing to open his eyes in hopes that he’d fall back to sleep, but it didn’t matter. Ben knew that it would be impossible to get back to sleep so there was no use in trying. After some extra convincing, he reluctantly opened up his eyes. ****  
** **

  The car still sat stationary on the side of the road, Wyatt still asleep in the driver’s seat and Eddie sitting besides him, now quietly snoring away quietly with his head resting on Ben’s shoulder. Carefully, he slid out from under his head, making sure he didn’t fall as a result, and moved towards the window, looking outside. Despite it being somewhat dark, he could tell it wouldn’t be too long until the sun would made itself known. Until then, all Ben would do was wait. That and survey their surroundings. ****  
** **

  Morning fog slowly rolled over the barren fields and empty road as he could hear the last songs of the crickets right before eventually silencing themselves completely, leaving everything eerily quiet. Crossing his arms, he leaned his forehead against the frosted car window, a strong chill running down his spin in the process, and continued to look out, struggling to keep his eyes open. He even contemplated trying again to fall back to sleep. But decided against that, instead choosing to admire the soft yellow glow of the sun peeking out through the sea of blue and lavender skies. Moments like these helped him forget about the hell he and others were living through. His tiny smile was short lived when he then noticed a small group of figures a distance away out in the fields. They moved slowly and staggered quite a bit from what he could see, so it didn’t take a genius to see that they were most likely walkers. He gulped hard. It didn’t matter how far away they were, if they didn’t move soon, it’ll only be a matter of time until they’re right on top of them. When he looked Wyatt’s way, a part of him was afraid to wake him up, but he had no other choice. He nervously inched his hand over his shoulder before lightly, yet quickly tapping on it. ****  
** **

  Wyatt didn’t react much at first, only stirring around slightly. “Mmm.” he tiredly hummed, still mostly asleep. ****  
** **

  He did it again, his taps somewhat harder than they were the first time. ****  
** **

  This finally got him to wake up. He stirred around some more before sitting up and yawning. He glanced behind him at Ben, rubbing the sleep out of his bare eyes. “Hm? What is it?” ****  
** **

  “There’s, um,” once he tried to explain, his words fell short in his dry throat. He coughed, pointing out the window. “There’s, uh, some, um, some-” ****  
** **

  As Ben struggled with his words, Wyatt grabbed his glasses from the dashboard, slipped them on and peered outside. “Damn it. Can we ever get a fuckin’ break?” he muttered. He returned his gaze to Ben. “Thanks for the heads-up.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt jammed the keys in and started up the car and before Ben knew it, they were back on the road as usual, Eddie still fast asleep. Once Wyatt was confident that he left the hoard in the dust, he felt his shoulders and grip around the wheel relax. Afterwards, he didn’t hesitate to grab a water bottle from underneath his seat and pass it back to Ben to help with his parched throat. ****  
** **

  “I’m always drinking your guys' water. You probably have no more left.” Ben muttered, taking the bottle from him, only half joking. ****  
** **

  “We’re not exactly drowning in the stuff here, but we have a fair amount in the back so we should be good.” Wyatt reassured. “Besides, I sure as hell don’t mind. You need it more than us anyways.” ****  
** **

  Ben would beg to differ. He unscrewed the cap and took a smaller sip than he usually would. Wyatt must have noticed that because when Ben tried to return it to him, he didn’t want to take it back at first. But after a silent plead from Ben, Wyatt did take it back, still unsure of himself. He took a halfhearted sip from the bottle himself before tossing it onto the seat besides him. ****  
** **

  “Is Eddie still asleep?” Wyatt asked after an awkward few minutes of nothing being said. ****  
** **

  “Yeah. He was asleep on my shoulder and I think- I think he drooled on it a little at one point.” he pointed out with a small laugh. ****  
** **

  Wyatt joined in with his own quiet laughter. “Really?” ****  
** **

  Ben nodded. “Yeah…” ****  
** **

  “Can’t say that I’m surprised. That’s Eddie for you. He must really like you cause he only does that with m-” he stopped himself for some reason unknown to Ben. He cleared his throat before continuing. “He, uh, only does that with people he trusts or feels comfortable around.”

  Ben looked past the odd pause and laughed again. “Lucky me, I guess.” ****  
** **

  “I know it’s not exactly a badge of honor, but...at least it’s something.” his joking tone grew more sincere. “Eddie’s not hard to please and he can show his affection in very...odd ways. People nowadays...you’d have to kill someone to earn their trust. With him, just don’t be an asshole. So, yeah, I think I’d consider you lucky too.” ****  
** **

  Though he was only joking before when he called himself lucky, he could see what Wyatt was getting at.  ****  
** **

  “What about you?” Ben asked without a second thought. ****  
** **

  “What about me?” Wyatt reflected, already knowing what he meant. ****  
** **

  He wasn’t sure if he wanted to push it, but he decided to take a risk. “What does it take to earn  _ your _ trust?” ****  
** **

  Wyatt inhaled deeply and sighed before his grip around the wheel grew even more casual. “I would say that I’m a lot like Eddie. The only difference is that I’m smarter. I have to be. So it takes just a  _ little _ bit more to make me trust someone.” ****  
** **

  Ben didn’t reply at first, but then… ****  
** **

  “You didn’t trust me at first.” he regretted the moment the words left his lips. ****  
** **

  Wyatt mimicked his silence before sighing again, lighter than before. “I won’t deny it. I was a little nervous about you. A mean, a random kid just hanging out in some shithole building with no one around? Sounds pretty weird if you ask me.”  ****  
** **

  Once his suspension was confirmed, he could hear and feel the quiet voices return. Like a bad cough, he thought they had left days ago. Yet here they were. He gulped harshly and his lip quivered slightly as he listened to the voices make their dreaded return.

****

_ No right to trust you. _

****

_ Shouldn’t. _

****

_ Never. _

****

_ Should never trust you. _

****

  “But,” Wyatt started, causing the voices to hush. “That was before and this is now. If you’re getting all worried about that, don’t. I may not know you all that well, but I know you enough. Enough to know that I can trust you.” he looked at Ben through the rear view mirror. “I can trust you, right?” ****  
** **

  Ben knew he was just joking around. He knew it. But that question made his skin crawl in the worst way. Could he? Could either of them?

****

_ Just a bomb waiting to go off. _

****

_ Make another fuck up. _

****

_ Once a fuck up, always a fuck up. _

****

_ Ruin another life or two. _

****

_ Ruin. _

****

_ Can’t do anything else. _

****

  Before he could even think of a proper answer, Wyatt groaned in annoyance. ****  
** **

  “Almost out of gas. I’ll have to pull over for a sec.” ****  
** **

  He stayed true to his word and they began to slow to a stop. Once Wyatt climbed out of the car, Ben, out of a strange impulse, got out with him, following Wyatt close behind as he went to grab a container of gas from the back.  ****  
** **

  “Eddie probably left the car running at some point or some other bullshit like that cause we should’ve lasted a lot longer.” explained Wyatt, popping open the trunk. He spotted the gas, grabbed it and walked to the side to fill it up. All the while, Ben remained silent, nervously looking around to see if any walkers were roaming nearby. The fields were looking as empty as usual. He couldn’t even see the walkers they sped away from. ****  
** **

  Wyatt continued to talk to basically no one as Ben was barely paying attention. “I always tell him we need to save as much gas as we can, but does he listen? Of course not. I swear he never listens when I need him too. He still remembers all the classes we had back in high school but can’t remember something I tell him almost everyday. His priorities are somewhere else, lemme tell you-“ ****  
** **

  “Why do you trust me?” ****  
** **

  Wyatt paused with the filling up of the car to look at Ben, standing a few feet away with a troubled look on his face. Wyatt’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. ****  
** **

  “Well, it’s not like you’ve given Eddie or I a reason not to. I mean, I know I had my doubts before but now-“ ****  
** **

  “Now what? What changed?” every word brought Ben pain. It felt as if he wasn’t even in control of his own body.  ****  
** **

  Wyatt struggled for an answer. But Ben didn’t give him a chance to come up with one. “You still don’t know me.” ****  
** **

  “Ben,” at this point, Wyatt had given up on filling the car and placed the gas besides the car. “you’re clearly not some sort of...psycho killer or something. You’re just a kid. How could I-?” he took a step forward, obviously noticing something. “Ben, are you crying?”  ****  
** **

  It took Wyatt pointing it out for Ben to notice it himself. He took a step backwards away from Wyatt and harshly wiped his eyes, which were slowly growing red. His chest and breathing were heavy and he blinked rapidly to try to get rid of the tears. His knees wobbled beneath him and he didn’t know why. ****  
** **

  He didn’t know until he started to run. ****  
** **

  He didn’t know what compelled him to run out into the field and even if he did, he couldn’t stop himself. All sense of reasoning took a backseat to his emotions. He felt awkward running, almost like a newborn giraffe, but he still didn’t attempt to slow down. In between the pounding in his ears, he could hear Wyatt yelling out his name. He couldn’t remember the last time he ran this much. His breathing turned into gasps and his lungs felt like they were on fire, but this still didn’t slow him down. Wyatt must have woken Eddie up in desperation since he could hear Eddie’s choked yells louder than he could hear Wyatt’s. He couldn’t tell you what he was planning on going or doing. Empty fields surrounded them for as far as the eye could see, so where could he  _ really _ go? It didn’t matter. The voices had a part in taking control as he could hear them rattling away in his head.

****

_ Away. _

****

_ Anywhere but here. _

****

_ Anywhere without people. _

****

_ No lives to destroy. _

****

_ Only yours. _

****

_ Away away away. _ ****  
** **

 

  He clenched his teeth as he could feel that his legs were beginning to grow weaker and weaker. Then...he fell. He let out a pained yelp as he tripped over some uneven ground and crumbled to the ground. Trying to stand back up resulted in another cry of pain and a horrible throbbing sensation in his ankle. He slowly looked up to see that Wyatt and Eddie were close behind. Eddie didn’t slow down before falling to his knees before Ben, breathing harshly and shaking his head in disbelief, his expression scrunched up into a mix of pure confusion and concern. Wyatt, meanwhile, stood hunched over himself as he tried to catch his breath, his breathing sounding worse than both Ben and Eddie. Eddie’s eyes darted to the now swollen ankle Ben was cradling.  ****  
** **

  “Fuck,” whimpered Eddie. That alone made Ben immediately snap out of it and regret everything he had done. “I-I think he twisted it.” ****  
** **

  He got a good grip and hoisted Ben up, carrying him like the day they found him.  ****  
** **

 

  On the trip back to the car and during the treatment of his twisted ankle, Ben remained completely silent. Even as Eddie tightly wrapped the bandages around his foot and ankle and pained erupted from it, Ben only winced in pain. He sat in the open trunk as Eddie treated his injury and Wyatt exclusively watched it all, his arms crossed with an equally cross look on his face. Finally, as Eddie pulled away, Wyatt spoke up. ****  
** **

  “Why did you do that?” his voice was scarily stern and serious, unlike anything Ben had ever heard from him before. ****  
** **

  He refused to look up or raise his voice to anything above a whisper. “I don’t know.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt didn’t want to accept this as an answer. Ben flinched at how he raised his voice. “Well, clearly you  _ do _ know why cause why the fuck else would you-?!”  ****  
** **

  “Hey!” Eddie yelled back, causing Ben to flinch again. He quickly glanced up to see Eddie staring daggers at Wyatt. He continued to breath heavily as he jerked his head, signaling for Wyatt to go.

  “I’ll finish filling up the car.” Wyatt grumbled before leaving.  ****  
** **

  Once Wyatt left, Eddie’s sharp stare turned soft as soon as it returned to Ben. He grabbed what look to be a medicine bottle and when he unscrewed the cap, Ben saw that he was right and two pills fell into his palm. He dropped them into Ben’s own palm and placed a stray bottle of water by his side. ****  
** **

  “They’re painkillers.” he muttered. “Please...take them.”  ****  
** **

  “It’s just a sprained ankle-” ****  
** **

  “I don’t care. I still want you to take them.” ****  
** **

  He didn’t protest any more and gave in, tossing the two pills into the back of his throat before taking a gulp from the water. ****  
** **

  After that, the painful silence returned. Even as his eyes went back to being glued to the ground, he could feel Eddie’s stare bore into his skull. ****  
** **

  “Why did you do that?” Eddie asked, much softer compared to his friend. ****  
** **

  “I don’t know.” he repeated. ****  
** **

  Eddie didn’t press it, but he knew how bad he wanted to know. He sat down next to Ben, who scooted over, to make room for him...but also to widen the distance between them. He rested his arms on his legs as he blankly stared out.  ****  
** **

  “You really scared us, you know.” ****  
** **

  “I’m sorry.” Ben choked out. “I-I wasn’t thinking.” ****  
** **

  He tried to look at Ben, but his eyes refused to budge. ****  
** **

  “Did something, like, happen between you and Wyatt?” he cursed to himself. “Did he do something stupid?” ****  
** **

  “No, no.” he quickly replied. “I was the stupid one. I just-” he sighed. “I...wanted to know why you guys trust me. I mean, what reasons do you have?” ****  
** **

  “Oh Ben-” he reached for his shoulder, but retracted his hand as soon as he saw Ben shrink away from the potential touch. Ben couldn’t be certain what heartbreak looked like on another person’s face, but the look Eddie held on his face...made him feel a little bit more certain with himself. “Ben...I know Wyatt probably already said this but what reason would we have  _ not _ to? You’re a kid...a  _ good _ kid. I don’t know what happened before we found you, okay? It doesn’t matter and if you don’t want to tell us, that’s fine. We still trust you because- because I  _ know _ that you are a good person, I-I just know it.” ****  
** **

  Ben felt his heart swell up, the feeling still somewhat foreign to him. His interlocked his hands together as he tried to muster up the right words. ****  
** **

  “I was scared...I wasn’t thinking.” he finally confessed. “Fuck, I’m still scared.” ****  
** **

  “Of what?” ****  
** **

  “Of being another disappointment.” ****  
** **

  Eddie knew he didn’t have the full picture and he didn’t even know if he’d ever see it, but he saw enough.  ****  
** **

  “You have no reason to be scared of that with us.” he offered a lopsided grin. “It’s kinda impossible to disappoint us. We’ve been disappointing all our lives.” ****  
** **

  He allowed a small smile to slip onto his lips. ****  
** **

  “Hey, there’s a smile.” encouraged Eddie. “I knew you had one hiding in there.” ****  
** **

  Before Ben could speak up again, Wyatt returned to the two of them, holding the gas container close to his side. The smile slipped away and his shoulders grew tense. ****  
** **

  “Wyatt, don’t you have something to say to Ben here?” ****  
** **

  “Of course, yes.” Wyatt sighed. “Ben I...I am very sorry that I yelled at you. You just scared me, that’s all. I’m not angry with you or anything, okay?” ****  
** **

  Eddie rolled his eyes. “Shit apology…” ****  
** **

  “Hey, c’mon now I-” ****  
** **

  “It’s fine.” interjected Ben. The last thing they needed was another argument. “I-I accept your apology. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for trying to run off. I wasn’t thinking.” ****  
** **

  “I accept your apology too.” he lifted up the gas. “Anyways, car’s all filled up. We should probably hit the road now.” ****  
** **

  “Okay.” Eddie wrapped his arm around Ben’s torso and helped him to his feet. Ben hissed in pain as he wrapped his own arm around Eddie and leaned most of his body weight onto him. “Here, we’re gonna go back into the car, okay? Sound good?” ****  
** **

  Ben nodded, trying to find something to distract him from the pain. He continued to hop around on his good foot  until Eddie helped him into the backseat. He slipped into the seat besides him. “You alright?” ****  
** **

  “Yeah I am. Promise.” he yawned. “I’m...feeling tired more than anything.” ****  
** **

  “Probably the painkillers.” Wyatt sat down behind the wheel. “Plus, I bet all that running didn’t help. Maybe you should get some more rest.” ****  
** **

  “But I just woke up.” ****  
** **

  “That’s okay.” Eddie tenderly rubbed his shoulder in reassurance. “You can sleep all day if you wanted to if it meant getting better.” ****  
** **

  Ben sleepily shook his head. “I dunno. Maybe I shouldn’t.” ****  
** **

  Eddie hushed the objections, trying to calm him down, hoping that he would eventually fall asleep as a result. Eddie’s hopes seemingly came true as Ben’s eyes drooped shut and as he leaned his head back in a more relaxed fashion. However, despite how it seemed to Eddie and Wyatt, Ben still sat there awake. Very drowsy, but still awake. He could feel Wyatt start the car back up before returning to the road. He didn’t  _ want _ to eavesdrop in on their conversation, but Ben couldn’t fall back asleep. ****  
** **

  He could feel Eddie shuffle around in his seat besides Ben. “Fuck...god I was so- fuck…” his voice sounded muffled, as if hiding his face away in his hands. But it didn’t take long for his voice to return to the crystal clear quality it once had. “Do you think I handled it well?” ****  
** **

  “What? Of course you did.” Wyatt’s voice became quiet. “Did a whole lot better than me, that’s for sure. I don’t think I was thinking either.” ****  
** **

  The car plunged into silence as it so often did. ****  
** **

  “We made the right choice.” Ben could barely make out Eddie’s voice over the sounds of the car. ****  
** **

  “Are you- are you asking me or-?” ****  
** **

  “No. I  _ know _ we made the right choice.” ****  
** **

  “If you’re expecting me to argue, I’m not gonna.” ****  
** **

  “Good.” ****  
** **

  The silent took over once more. ****  
** **

  “We have to pick somewhere.” Wyatt spoke up. “We can’t just drive around everywhere forever.” ****  
** **

  “I know, I know. You know that I want to try to-” ****  
** **

  “Eddie, I’ve been thinking about it a lot and...I don’t think it’s a good idea. We have no idea what it’s like up there. It could be a thousand times worse there than it is here for all we know.” ****  
** **

  Ben could hear Eddie’s voice begin to crack with his next set of words. “But what about-?” ****  
** **

  “I’m really sorry, Eddie, I am, okay? Do you think that I’m not? Do you think I don’t wish that we could try? Cause I do. I really do. But...fuck man. It’s way too risky. And now with the kid…” Ben felt his heart ache with guilt. “It’s just- the odds were already stacked against us and the more I think about it, the more impossible it all seems.” ****  
** **

  Eddie didn’t answer, instead letting out a long exhale through his nose. Ben could even feel him begin to slightly shake. Perhaps out of anger or sadness or maybe even both. ****  
** **

  “Please don’t hate me for this, okay? I’m only trying to protect you. I don’t- I  _ can’t _ have anything happening to you. I wouldn’t be able to live.” ****  
** **

  “Stop talking like that.” Eddie finally exclaimed. “You’re making me feel worse.” ****  
** **

  “Then tell me you understand.” ****  
** **

  Eddie didn’t answer at first, his hesitance all the more noticeable. “I understand.” ****  
** **

  “Good.” ****  
** **

  And with that, the car plunged back into a much more long lasting period of silence from both parties. Ben continued to play back their words in his head for what felt like hours. Most of the words mostly meant nothing to him as he didn’t understand much, but one phrase stuck out:

****

_ Now with the kid… _

****

  Just that tiny phrase was enough to make him feel ill.

****

_ It’s starting all over again. _

****

_ Can’t you see? _

****

_ Someone else’s deadweight. _

****

_ As usual. _

****

  He shouldn’t have been surprised. He couldn’t even be mad if that’s really how they saw him. Though they were more than different from his last group and though they showed him more compassion and smiles than he could ever dream of, he was still the same old him. ****  
** **

  Always the useless deadweight and an excuse...never truly a member. ****  
** **

  However, Wyatt and Eddie thought quite the opposite and they had no intention of changing their minds...even after they learned who Ben really was.


	9. Suffer in Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiii  
> sooooo know it's been a while buuuut  
> I'm back babey
> 
> I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my good friends Hayley and Jenn as well as a random anon on Tumblr for asking if I was going to continue this. You all were such a big motivator for me and this
> 
> I hope this more than makes up for the long absence

  “How’s that ankle of yours doing?”

  Eddie’s curious tone cut through the otherwise silent car and snapped Ben out of his trance like state. He moved his eyes away from the window and over to Eddie, turned to face him as he sat in the passenger seat, his tired eyes blinking as he waited for a response.

  Ben looked down at his own foot as if he had forgotten what it had looked like. The foot that held his twisted ankle was bare except for the bandages tightly yet messily wrapped around it. It was far from not being swollen anymore and he had a feeling it would be quite a while until it would heal completely. Walking seemed like another thing that would be an issue. Thank God for the car.

  “It’s getting better, I think.” He struggled to turn his foot over to better observe it. “As long as I don’t put any pressure on it, I should be okay.”

  “Well thank God for this car then.” sighed Eddie, as if he heard Ben’s thoughts. He returned to look out in front of the car. “We’ve had this baby since day one and I couldn’t be happier for it. It has its drawbacks but the biggest plus is being able to speed off from any nearby deadheads.”

  “And it’s...better to be on the move constantly anyways.” Wyatt added, his tone growing more quiet with each word.

  Ben thought back to all the moving he did with his last group. The motel...the farm...back to the motel...the RV...the train...the city. They really weren’t safe anywhere and though he was back to constantly being on the move, it felt different, as did everything once he joined the two older men.

  “Yeah it’s good to be on the move but I dunno. Would be nice to find a place to stay, even for just a little bit.” Eddie countered. “Somewhere where we wouldn’t have to worry about all this." 

  “If such a place even exists.”

  It probably didn’t but that wasn’t to say there were absolutely no safe places left. The motel  _ was _ one of them...even if it isn’t anymore.

 

_ Wonder who’s fault that was... _

 

  Just what Ben needed: another reminder of what turned the motel into a death trap. He could only hope and pray that the car they sat in didn’t undergo the same fate. He liked it, despite how cramped it was and how the faint smell of smoke that never seemed to waver away was never easy on Ben’s nose. Ben wondered if maybe they’ve had it for so long because it belonged to one of them before everything plunged into chaos. It didn’t seem like a car that was abandoned just for them to start it up and take. It held some sort of familiarity to it...seemed too personal. A part of him wanted to ask about it but he knew it was just the part of him desperate for any additional conversation to fill the void of silence the car would often plunge itself into. But honestly, was such a desire too much to ask for? Silence still frightened him more than words could explain. To go from shouting and screaming voices to utter silence accompanied by the creaking of a settling building, it was a powerful change for him. But the silence here, like everything, continued to separate itself from Ben’s previous experiences. He knew he was no longer alone even when there were no human voices to make it more clear. Even as he would lay across the backseat to rest and no words were uttered, he knew they were still there. Their presences refused to be ignored, as if that was something Ben was even trying to do. Over time, the silence grew less awkward and more comforting. Silence along his last group was always deafening, as if anything said would shatter it in the worst way possible. Silence meant planning. It meant deciding who deserved to stay and who deserved-

  “Are you sure it’s doing okay?”

  Ben found himself spacing out more and more. Maybe it was something he always did, just something he never noticed with the lack of people that surrounded him in the last few months to snap him out of it. He saw Eddie trying to catch his attention again.

  “What?”

  “Your ankle. Are you sure it’s okay?”

  He looked at it again, as if doing so would tell him how to feel. “I-I said it’s getting better.”

  “I think the kid knows how he feels.” Wyatt offered.

  Eddie scrunched up his brows. “I know but...it still looks pretty bad. I just want to be sure. I think we have some more painkillers if you need-”

  “No no it’s...it’s okay really.” They were already beginning to grow low on supplies. The last thing Ben wanted was to mooch anymore with them having so little. “I’ve definitely had worse so I’ll be fine. It’s nothing.”

  “Certainly didn't’ look like ‘nothing’ to me when you were curled up in a ball on the ground.”

  “Well that was then...this is now and now...I’m fine.” 

  Eddie still didn’t seem very satisfied with the answer and although he looked like he wanted to challenge the idea further, he didn’t. Instead, he turned back around, giving Wyatt a side-eyed glance before looking outside in front of the car. The silence returned but not for long.

  “Are you  _ absolutely sure _ because I wouldn’t mind-”

  “Holy shit.” Wyatt laughed, kneeling over the wheel a bit and shaking his head. “So damn persistent, aren’t we?”

  “I mean, his ankle is swollen to hell. I  _ know _ he won’t be able to walk normally or at all for that matter for a while. Just want to make sure he’s recovering comfortably.”

  “You can only be so comfortable while in some cramped car.” explained Wyatt. “Besides, he’ll be getting plenty of rest and time for it to heal.”

  Ben nodded. “Yeah, so I really am fine. I promise.” It truly came as a shock to Ben how he continued to push the issue. Was Ben really that much of a terrible liar? It still hurt like hell and with the painkillers he had the day before wearing off entirely, it was hard to ignore. Nonetheless, Ben would try to stay quiet on the issue. He wasn’t lying when he said he had been through worse. All he could do was tough it out, even if “tough” wasn’t a very common word in his vocabulary. Though he of course felt more welcomed and comfortable with them than anywhere else, it wasn’t an excuse to mooch off of them and take advantage of their kindness.

  Eddie opened his mouth as if to insist further, but sighed instead. He kicked up a foot onto the dashboard, muttering something to himself.

  Eddie continued to be a sort of mystery to Ben. He couldn’t quite place him and what could be going on inside his head. From day one, he showed such a level of care and respect for Ben, something he wasn’t used to. Not to say Wyatt didn’t care or respect him, however Eddie proved to be so unapologetic with it all. He didn’t waste any time at all trying to establish something with Ben yet he still couldn’t be sure what it even was. He cared enough to ask about virtually meaningless and mundane things regarding Ben and his past, things that didn’t even matter anymore. It didn’t matter what sports he played back in school or the friends he had who actually could stand to be around him or what cereal was his favorite growing up. None of it meant anything when you were as good as dead. 

  Yet Eddie didn’t seem to agree with that mindset. The end of the world didn’t stop him but there had to be more...there’s always more to it all. If that were all there was to him, wearing his entire heart and soul on his sleeves, it wouldn’t be smart on his part. Things like that are the things to get you killed. Ben was of course by no means an honest saint, but he was reckless with who he would spill his feelings out to. It didn’t help the number of times he had waited to be completely honest with those around him.

  “Heads up.”

  Wyatt’s words reaching Ben’s ears and the the feeling of the car slowing down clicked with him before he could see what was happening. But once he looked up, he could feel his shoulders tense up and his heart rate accelerate. Once the car slowed to a stop, the three of them stared ahead.

  Before them stood what looked to be the start of one of those small drive-by towns, the kind that stay vacant basically in the middle of nowhere and only exist for travelers to take breaks in. It wouldn’t take long to just speed on through it, but no way they were doing that.

  “What’re you thinkin’?” asked Eddie.

  Wyatt didn’t answer at first, taking the time to assess the scene. “I’m  _ thinkin’ _ that we drive up just a few more feet, I go and check it out, while you and Ben wait out here and be sure to get behind the wheel just in case we need to make a quick getaway.”

  Eddie blinked before looking over to him with a baffled look on his face. “Are you serious?”

  “Serious as a heart attack.”

  Eddie stuttered with his words slightly before managing to better compose himself. “Um no way. What, are you just gonna check out every building there is? On your own? And with what? The single gun we own?”

  “That’s the plan yeah.” Eddie opened his mouth again but Wyatt quickly shut him down. “Trust me, I don’t like it either but Ben sure as hell isn’t getting out of the car so all three of us can’t go out. I need you to look over him  _ and _ the car for me. Think you can handle that?”

  “I mean, yeah but-”

  “Great.” Wyatt didn’t waste time moving the car up just a bit more like he promised. Afterwards, grabbing the gun from the glove compartment and climbing out. Once he shut the door, he walked over to Eddie’s side. He leaned into the open window to instruct Eddie further. However, his face softened a bit, seeing the worry on Eddie’s own face. “I’ll be fine, Eddie, okay? You’ve said it yourself: we’re a couple of tough sons of bitches. We’re practically invincible right?”

  “You should know never to listen to me.” Though, it was enough for a smile to return to his face.

  The two gazed at each other a few extra seconds, seemingly debating something internally before Wyatt exhaled, patting Eddie firmly on the shoulder and looking over to Ben. “And you. You make sure that Eddie doesn’t blow anything up while I’m gone. Got it?”

  Ben allowed himself a smile as Eddie rolled his eyes. “Oh haha. Don’t quit your day job.”

  Wyatt gave them both a small wave as he began to walk away, Eddie giving his own dainty, taunting wave to bid him farewell. But once he made some distance between himself and the car, Eddie groaned loudly as he climbed into the driver’s seat, immediately hunching over the wheel, making it crystal clear how he thought about this plan.

  “This sucks.”

  “You really are worried, aren’t you?” Ben asked, genuinely curious and even worried himself. 

  “Yeah, like, I know he can take care of himself just fine it’s just…” He groaned again, not as loud this time. “I dunno. Just can’t help it, I guess.”

  He looked like he wanted to say more, but Ben decided against pushing it. However, it didn’t need a push to continue.

  “It’s just that we’ve had bad run-ins before and we’ve had to separate and though it ended okay...it could of easily turned out really bad, you know?”

  He nodded. He guessed things could always go worse than they did. It always seemed like things were at their worst when he was involved. Just a magnet for bad luck. But he knew his experiences weren’t universal.

  “We joke about how unstoppable we are, but we’ve had our fair share of close calls.” Eddie continued. “It’s rich coming from me instead of someone like him, but we sometimes take too many risks. I’ve known this for a while now but I think it’s just now clicking with me. And this? It’s pretty damn risky and I just...don’t want something to happen.”

  The car went silent again but Ben could sense some tenseness to it now. Eddie must of sensed it too as he turned around to face him. “I-I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to bring the mood down. I promise I’m not usually a sad shit all the time it’s just…” he shook his head. “Damn it.” he said quietly. 

  “You’re fine.” Ben said, meaning it. “You’re just worried and so am I.”

  Eddie sighed leaning back in his seat. “I know kid...I know. I think I’m just gonna keep all these stupid scary feelings to myself til Wyatt gets back. Don’t need to be dumping them on you. God knows you have enough of those as it is.”

  He wasn’t wrong. Even if Eddie knew nothing of his past, it was obvious to anyone just the pure stress and anguish Ben seemed to be going through. It was written all over his face, even if he was getting better with each passing day. The bags under his eyes refused to let up and even if his skin was beginning to gain some color from the sun, it stretched tight across his bones and muscles and that was just looking at him face value. Everything internal was a completely different story and a long and complicated one at that. One that couldn’t be told in a few minutes while waiting for a friend to return.

  Ben’s eyebrows creased.

 

_ Friends? _

 

_ Could I call them that? _

 

  For the first time in what felt like a long time, he heard his voice and his voice alone echo throughout his head. However the question itself caught his interest more. He wouldn’t dare to call anyone from his last group a “friend.” Even the ones who weren’t vocal with their distaste for him, he felt he couldn’t call them friends for it. At best, they tolerated him and at worst…

  He didn’t need to think of the worst times, he didn’t  _ want _ to, but it always came back around to it. It truly was like a constant headache which refused to cure itself.

  “Think there’s any people here?”

  Eddie seemed to hate the silence just as much as Ben did. Though the question he decided to break it with didn’t help to soothe Ben’s worries.

  “I hope not.” Ben said with a shutter. “Humans can be worse than the walkers.”

  “I hear you on that one.” His exhausted tone showed that he and Wyatt probably had experience like Ben did, perhaps even more than he did. “Walkers are assholes but they can’t control it. Humans? They can control the level of asshole they are but sometimes they don’t even care and just give a big ‘fuck you’ to everyone around them. Those are the kinds of people I won’t lose any sleep over if they become walking corpses. But when they survive and the actual good people die, that’s when I get pissed.”

  More common ground. The amount of good people he’s seen die was far too many. But he couldn’t think about that because if he did…

  “What about supplies?” Ben said quickly to change the subject. “Do you think there’s anything left to salvage?”

  “God I sure hope so.” Ben let out a sigh of relief when Eddie didn’t question the sudden change in the conversation. “We’re running low on pretty much everything. We could use a gift from the people before us, no matter how small it is. Food, water, gas, anything just as long as it’s something. It’s a small town but there’s bound to be something. There has to be.”

  Hope was all people had nowadays so his answer made sense. Just hope and pray and maybe you’ll get lucky. But luck was rare. You couldn’t always count on it, especially during trying times like these.

  “Maybe Wyatt will find a second gun.” Eddie suddenly chirped, sounding almost dreamy about the idea. “Not that I don’t absolutely _ love _ sharing it with him, it’d just be nice to know we both can protect ourselves and if we can’t find a third gun, I’m sure we can find a cool hatchet or something for you.”

  Ben chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah maybe.”

  “Or a machete...or baseball bat...anything sharp or hard enough to really slice or bash some brains in. Can’t always rely on random planks with nails to do the job-”

 

_ BANG! _

 

  Before Eddie could finish his statement, the sound of a gunshot rang throughout the town and their heads. Eddie’s face immediately fell as he started up the car and moved up to where the sound was coming from. Ben held onto Eddie’s seat to help keep himself from sliding around in his spot. The two of them frantically looked around for any sign of Wyatt and when they didn’t see him right away, the fear began to build up in them. Eddie eventually stopped in the dead center of the town and continued to look around. Each building stood stationary and silent. It truly looked and felt like a ghost town. Not even the sound of walker groans could be heard and they didn’t know if that made it better or worse. Even the wooden doors that hung from the hinges of some of the buildings refused to squeak or creak with each small gust of wind that rolled on by. Their breathing was hushed as well as if any harsher breaths would overpower the sound of nearby steps of someone not quite dead. Ben could see Eddie’s hands shake as they gripped the steering wheel. Ben’s own gulp seemed deafening in the situation they were in and he hated it. He could then see Eddie’s eyes dart over to the door handle and he could see the gears turn as he considered stepping out. 

  However before he could, they could both hear the faint sound of something coming from a nearby building. Their heads whipped around to better follow the sound. A shadow soon appeared behind the slightly ajar door and when it opened…

  “Wyatt, you asshole.” Eddie quietly muttered, now wearing a welcoming smile.

  He stepped out, dark blood splattered across his shirt, a gun in his hand and an unfamiliar backpack in the other hand. A rather frazzled expression rested on his face as if he were just caught off guard and he only looked more confused to see their car now parked just a few feet away from him. Ben could visibly see the annoyed sigh leave his mouth as he approached the car. He leaned down and rested his hand on the opened window of the passenger side, looking over to Eddie.

  “Hi~” Eddie greeted playfully.

  “Hi.” Wyatt greeted, not nearly as carefree as his friend. “What are you two doing over here?”

  “Well,” Eddie started, in a very matter of fact tone. “We heard the gunshot and got a little worried. Just wanted to check up on you.”

  Ben was amazed at how quick Eddie was able to switch up his whole demeanor. From absolutely terrified right back to his regular laid back attitude almost at the drop of a hat. Was it Wyatt?

  “How sweet.” Wyatt said rather deadpanned. “Well as you can see,” he lifted up the backpack to be seen better. “Found some goodies.”

  “Oh?” Eddie leaned forward.

  He opened up the rather bulky bag. “Cans and packets of food, a few half empty water bottles, batteries, meds, bandages and-” he tossed their gun to Eddie. “I won’t be needing this anymore.”

  “And why is that?” inquired Eddie, obviously already knowing the answer.

  Wyatt pulled out a second gun, a revolver, from the backpack. He opened up and spun the empty chamber before closing it up and tapping the barrel of it against the side of the window. “And I found ammo.”

  Eddie exhaled deeply, chuckling and shaking his head. “Just like the good ol’ days, huh?” he looked over to Ben. “What’d I tell ya? Knew he’d get it.”

  Ben blinked a few times in disbelief and smiled. “Wow...y-yeah you actually did find a lot.”

  “And I didn’t even check all the buildings, which, speaking of-”

  “Oh no you don’t!” Eddie reached over, grabbing the collar of Wyatt’s shirt. “You are  _ not _ leaving and continuing that lil scavenger hunt you had going on just to give me like ten more heart attacks. This is plenty.”

  Ben peered over the seat to get a better look at the backpack. “I agree. It’s more than enough. Maybe we should keep going. You already took a big risk by checking it out.”  

  Wyatt sighed. “Fine fine.” Eddie let go of Wyatt’s collar to let him put away everything. He walked over to the back, popped the trunk open and dropped off the backpack in it. Once he walked back around to the driver’s seat, Eddie appeared not to be budging.

  “Hello?”

  Eddie smiled. “Hi, can I help you?”

  “I’d like to drive now.”

  Eddie scanned his friend for a second before answering. “God your shirt is soaked.”

  “Thanks for the reminder.” grumbled Wyatt, looking down at it. “A walker came pretty close.” He looked back up. “Can you move now?”

  “Change out of that shirt then we’ll talk.”

  “Oh my God. Are we really doing this now?”

  “And leave that old shirt here. Don’t want it stinking up the car more.”

  Wyatt groaned again but walked back around to the trunk, where Ben guessed they had extra clothes. Ben made sure not to look back, respecting his privacy, however Eddie didn’t seem to care about that as he saw his eyes dart up at the rearview mirror a few times. As Wyatt returned back to the front of the car, Eddie climbed back to his spot in the passenger side. Shortly thereafter, Wyatt returned to his own spot, his blood stained red shirt being replaced with a longer sleeved gray one.

  “Better?”

  “Much better.”

  “Can we go now?”

  “Well since you asked nicely, I guess so.”

  With a typical roll of his eyes, Wyatt started up the car and drove off and it wasn’t long until the small stagnant town was left in their dust.

  The silence returned once more...even more comforting than what it once was. Nothing needed to be said and it was mutually known between the three of them. They successfully drove away with tons of supplies and every one of them was okay.

  “Okay” was still a generous way of putting it but in the moment, in the silence, things really did seem okay.

 


	10. A tale sure to last (with plenty more to come)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrow this is uhhhh a pretty long fuckin chapter h uh? Wyatt and Eddie (mostly Eddie) sure do love to talk
> 
> Very excited for the next chapter tho ;)

  The empty barren fields seemed like they would stretch for as far as the Earth would allow them to, but that just couldn’t be the case. There had to be an end to it. The small town they passed through yesterday proved that there could be an interruption to the monotony. ****  
** **

  However, for the time being, the dry, yellow fields stayed and it almost made Ben ill having to look at them so often. Or maybe that was just normal car sickness. In any case, he still hated it. ****  
** **

  “What? Wanna go back to the city then?” jokingly asked Eddie when Ben brought up this complaint of his. “Plenty of stuff to see there.” ****  
** **

  A shudder came with the small chuckle. “Don’t even joke about that. I’ll take a lifetime supply of empty grass fields over another day back there any day.” ****  
** **

  “Then quit your complaining.” if it came from anyone else on any other day, Ben would’ve taken the overall annoyed comment to heart, but this was Eddie. Though Ben was still getting used to people not being constantly annoyed by his mere existence, he could tell when Eddie was joking. Then again, it’s not exactly a hard thing to spot. His serious moments couldn’t be ignored even if you tried to. ****  
** **

  Wyatt chimed in. “I’m sick of it too, kid, but we’re bound to be somewhere else soon. Then, we’ll get tired of looking at  _ that _ too and the cycle of moving on continues.” ****  
** **

  “Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like we’re moving...just stuck in place on a loop.” muttered Ben as he looked outside. ****  
** **

  “That’s how I felt my first or second time tripping on LSD.” sighed Eddie, sounding as if he were thinking back on a fond memory.  Even his face held a few traces of whimsy to it. “I kept trying to walk but I just wasn’t moving. Felt like I was trying to run underwater. At the same time, the skin on my hands looked to be in the process of melting right off the bone before my eyes-” ****  
** **

  “You weren’t even trying to walk. You were sitting on my kitchen floor, swiping at the air in front of you, trying to ‘catch fish.’” ****  
** **

  “-Basically, I can relate with you on that, Ben.” ****  
** **

  “Can’t say he feels the same way about whatever the hell you’re describing.” ****  
** **

  Eddie never failed to leave Ben speechless with all the anecdotes he had seemingly at the ready given the chance. Most were drug related, which would make them illegal stories and even the technically legal ones had this air to them that they probably shouldn’t have happened. When he would mentioned Wyatt in them, he was always the voice of reason but it made Ben wonder if Eddie had any stories where Wyatt wasn’t that much better than Eddie. Though he had his moments, Wyatt never truly left that position of having the most level head of the three. It was clear he had prior experience to it and had no intentions of leaving that ability of his behind. Ben never pried if he could help it but it would be funny to hear about the times Wyatt wasn’t quite as cautious or responsible as he usually was, if there were any times like that. ****  
** **

  “-Was it really your kitchen though? ‘Cause I distinctly remember that it was  _ you  _ who came over for the night.” ****  
** **

  “It was my kitchen because I remember telling you to get the fuck up and to drink some water before my mom came back home.” ****  
** **

  It surprised Ben when he tuned back in and saw that they were still going off about the experience Eddie tried to relate to Ben’s. ****  
** **

  “So  _ your _ mom was coming over to  _ my _ house?” He clicked his tongue. “Sounds suspicious if you ask me~” He said in a taunting sing song tone. ****  
** **

  “I’m not having this conversation with you anymore.” Sighed Wyatt, sounding beyond exasperated. ****  
** **

  “Because you know I’m right.” ****  
** **

  “Because I know  _ I’m  _ right.” ****  
** **

  Eddie pulled a fake sad face, turning over in his spot in the passenger seat to stare at Wyatt with a pout. “Aww c’moonnnn, Wy. Don’t act all grouchy on me like that just ‘cause I’m right.” He reached out and poked his cheek, to which Wyatt barely had a reaction to. “No one likes a sore loser.” ****  
** **

  After Eddie began to dig his finger in a bit, Wyatt finally cracked a smile and swatted his hand away, only briefly looking away from the road. “Quit it, wouldja?” 

  The two shared a small laugh together and that intruding feeling returned in Ben. The two glanced back to Ben. Wyatt quickly cleared his throat, returning his gaze to the road, leaving Eddie with a ghost of a smile left on his face and remains of a laugh still stuck in his own throat. ****  
** **

  “S-So,” Ben said, a sheepish smile on his face. “Whose kitchen was it in?” ****  
** **

  “Mine.” As expected, they both answered at the same time. ****  
** **

  “Agree to disagree.” Eddie said firmly, a mock serious look replacing the smile. ****  
** **

  As Wyatt stayed silent, Eddie leaned back in his seat and whispered out of the corner of his mouth to talk to Ben. “It was mine.” ****  
** **

  “If it was yours,” As usual, Eddie continued to prove that he couldn’t whisper for shit as Wyatt spoke up. “Then why were you apologizing to  _ me  _ when you threw up in front of the fridge while trying to get yourself some food?” ****  
** **

  “Well I was obviously apologizing for being a terrible host.” Eddie retorted, sounding oh so sure of himself. “Here I was trying to get us both a meal-” ****  
** **

  “-While high as balls-” ****  
** **

  “-And I just had to make a fool out of myself in front of my guest by puking up whatever high I was on. I guess what I’m trying to say is,” Eddie placed a hand on Wyatt’s shoulder. “Not only am I sorry for being a terrible host on more than one occasion,” He grinned widely. “But I’m also sorry about your piss poor memory.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt’s own forming smile was clearly much more tired and annoyed compared to Eddie’s. “Why the hell are we even arguing over years old bullshit that doesn’t even matter anymore?” ****  
** **

  “Well, I mean,  _ you _ brought it up-” ****  
** **

  “Because it was my- you know what...whatever. I’m done. Well and truly done.” ****  
** **

  “You’re always done.” Eddie mocked in an accusatory way. “But you always come back begging for more.” ****  
** **

  “More what?” Laughed Wyatt. Even he wasn’t fully immune to the absurdist humor of Eddie. “More reasons to be annoyed or mad at you?” ****  
** **

  “Wouldn’t be surprised if you got off to being mad at me.” ****  
** **

  “Oh yeah mhm.” Wyatt nodded and rolled his eyes. “Got me all figured out, don’t you?” ****  
** **

  Eddie gave him one last side smirk, licking his lips before abruptly looking up at the rear view mirror, adjusting it slightly as to get a better look at the dazed boy sitting in the backseat. “What’s your opinion on all this, hm? Kinda took over the conversation there.” ****  
** **

  “As you usually do.” ****  
** **

  He blinked. “I-I don’t mind, really.” Ben said in his usual hushed voice. “It beats all the arguing I’m used to hearing on a daily basis...the real arguing.” ****  
** **

  “Oh, no this  _ is _ real arguing. We’re fighting.” He looked back over to Wyatt. “Hey Wy?” ****  
** **

  “Mhm?” ****  
** **

  “I hate you.” ****  
** **

  “Oh my god.” Wyatt muttered quietly, sounding only slightly upset by the statement as he doesn’t look away from the road. “Whatever shall I do now? Guess I’ll just have to find a way to cope. Shouldn’t be that hard though.” ****  
** **

  “Act sadder, bitch!” Eddie said, almost whining. “I’d be fuckin’ heart broken to hear that I hated me!” ****  
** **

  “Another piece of evidence of how different we are.” Wyatt’s voice returned his usual exasperated sighing he had when dealing with his friend.  ****  
** **

  Eddie groaned, annoyed, as he slumped back down in his seat, putting his feet up in its usual spot. Another groan as he covers his face and slides his hands down it. A small sliver of a smile found its way onto Ben’s face. It almost reminded him of something his sister would do when she was upset. So to see a grown man doing it, certainly was a sight to behold. ****  
** **

  “You done over there or-?” ****  
** **

  “In all seriousness, I agree with Ben.” He by no means sounded mad, but he sure as hell wasn’t all that thrilled with their position at the moment. “I feel like I’m going crazy seeing the same things over and over again outside.” ****  
** **

  “Yes, I think we’re all in agreement over one thing: fields suck.” He stretched one of his hands out to gesture vaguely to the scenery outside. “But, what do you want me to do? Can’t exactly change the landscaping at will. So, all we can do is drive.” ****  
** **

  “I knooowwww.” Eddie whined some more. “Still sucks.” ****  
** **

  “Whatever happened to loving road trips?” ****  
** **

  Eddie’s face scrunched up. He removed his feet from the dashboard and leaned forward a bit, resting his arms on his knees. “It never went away.” Unlike with him thinking back on that nasty LSD trip of his, the memory he was seemingly thinking back on had his voice sounding so much more genuine than before. “Hell, even now, there’s still something to it, y’know? Even if we’re just doing it to leave any freaks in our dust, it does sometimes feel just like another one of our trips.” ****  
** **

  They were never a stranger to traveling, even before the dead could walk, Ben found out. He couldn’t help but admire that sort of optimism Eddie carried with him. Even with corpses roaming around at every corner, Eddie could momentarily forget all of that, however short that would be for, and just see it as a fun or even relaxing trip. It helped that it’s just been him and Wyatt for so long. Traveling around the country with your best friend, only having to worry about the dead every so often and even then, you could just drive away from it all...sounded like the best way to live during times like these. It made Ben wish that they had met sooner. Maybe then, Ben wouldn’t be quite the wreck he was today. However, maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part. ****  
** **

  Eddie chuckled, pulling up a knee to his chest. “Oh my god.” Another memory resurfacing perhaps. He looked over to Wyatt, lightly hitting his arm with the back of his hand. “Remember the trip to Burning Man?” ****  
** **

  It took a moment, but a half grin soon appeared on Wyatt’s face too. “Which year?” ****  
** **

  He sighed. “God, I can’t for the life of me remember, but it was the trip with the uh…” He began snapping his fingers trying to think. “The uh...um...the fuckin’ uh-” He began to make sweeping motions with his arms then brought his arm up to obscure half his face. ****  
** **

  Ben’s face twisted a bit in confusion before Wyatt sputtered and laughed loudly, catching Ben severely off guard. “Oh my god!” ****  
** **

  After wiggling his eyebrows a bit, his arm still covering his face, he dropped it. “Yeah! Remember?” ****  
** **

  “How could I forget?” Still chuckling, Wyatt wiped a forming tear under his eye.  ****  
** **

  “Ben, you  _ have  _ to hear about this.” Eddie started and Ben wasted no time leaning forward in his seat, ready to finally hear one of the probably countless stories they had at their disposal. ****  
** **

  Wyatt fanned his face a bit. “You tell it though. You tell it best- you always do.” ****  
** **

  “No need to tell  _ me  _ twice.” He laughed, turning to better face the two of the in his seat. “Gather ‘round, children. Uncle Eddie has a tale to spin.” ****  
** **

  “First of all, creepy. Second of all, shut up. Third of all, just get on with it already! Stop teasing!” ****  
** **

  “Oh but you know me-“ Eddie didn’t finish as Wyatt swatted his arm. “Ouch! Fine fine!” ****  
** **

  Ben wouldn’t call himself an especially impatient person, but the suspense and build up really was getting to him. The curious glint in his eyes never wavered and Eddie could see it. ****  
** **

  “So, we had already left for Burning Man  _ weeks  _ before it was set to start ‘cause we knew it’d take us ages to drive there. We don’t fuck with planes. Like, ever. No buses or trains either. Only days long road trips where it’s just us and we decide the routes to take and we decide what crazy shit we stick around for. Just the way we like it. You’d be surprised how much you miss just by stickin’ around the lame group of tourists you’re put in with when all going somewhere by bus.” Even though it was just extra build up, Ben held onto every word. He didn’t mind in the slightest how especially chatty they had been. Not like he was itching to get his own word in. ****  
** **

  “We had just crossed over into Utah, a real no man’s land. I swear to god, crossing over into Utah at like two in the morning, it’s like landing on a completely different planet. Wyatt, you know what I mean.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt chuckled, rubbing his eyes from under his glasses, as if the tiredness he felt that night came rushing back to him, hitching a ride with all the memories probably coming back too. “Can’t say I do exactly. I barely remember first getting there. Too busy trying to keep my eyelids open.” ****  
** **

  “In any case, it was surreal and it was about to get  _ even more _ surreal.” He sat up straight and waved his hands out in front of himself to better set the scene. “Picture, if you will, two young 20-somethings so tired they can see their dreams sneaking up on them. But they are persistent. They refuse to sleep until their car and stomachs were full. So, one trip to the gas station later, one half of the deal complete. Their next stop? Why, the only big name brand department store open 24 hours a day that they could find for miles, of course. The only place to go when you’re running on just jumbo cups of soda and zero hours of sleep. Chips, sandwich ingredients, frozen pizzas, ice cream, coffee and equally tired workers as far as the eye could see. We felt their pain, but at least after shopping we could leave and head to the nearest motel to finally catch up on some z’s. Along with tried workers, there weren’t a lot of customers, but the ones that do come out during the night...oh boy.” ****  
** **

  “Granted, we must have looked pretty strange ourselves.” Wyatt piped up. “I hadn’t brushed my hair in days and Eddie...well…” He cocked his head to look at Eddie. “Need I say more?” ****  
** **

  “Please, by all means, don’t hold back.” Wyatt laughed quietly at the comment before Eddie continued. “Anyways, I was checking out the chips when this dude pulls up next to me to check them out too. He was  _ way  _ too close, like, he was goddamn near bumping shoulders with me. The aisle was empty. Translation: There was exactly zero reason for him to be that close. I thought to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was standing in front of the exact chips he wanted or something. I looked over, trying to be all sneaky about it and...I really am not one to judge, but the dude was an eyesore and a half. The thing that first stood out to me was that he was wearing a fuckin’  _ cape.  _ Like, he was a goddamn superhero. His outfit was this weird, space age crap, like he stepped right off the set of a cheesy 70’s space adventure show. And speaking of stepping, he had these loud combat boots on and I think earlier on, Wyatt and I heard him stomping around. Now, I took one look at him and I had thought my weird, bizarro, sleep deprived dreams were finally catching up with me. And that’s when he started talkin’, something you should really never do with other random customers at three in the morning in a brightly lit chips and dip aisle.” ****  
** **

  He leaned in a bit pulling a face before cracking up into giggles. He covered his face as Wyatt laughed himself. ****  
** **

  “Wait, are you gonna do the-?” ****  
** **

  “Of course I’m gonna do the voice!” This only proved to hold onto Ben’s attention even more with an iron grip. ****  
** **

  Eddie cleared his throat and leaned back in, a sleazy expression overtaking his face as he cocked an eyebrow. “‘So, what’s your poison? I’m personally more of a classic potato chip fan myself, but to each their own.’” Eddie leaned back out, a dumbstruck look washing over the previously smug one. “Now...what exactly is the proper response to give a reject Star Wars extra who says that when you’re struggling not to pass out and the chips are beginning to talk to you?” ****  
** **

  Ben wasn’t quite ready for this pop quiz and no correct answers were sticking out to him. “Um...don’t say anything?” ****  
** **

  Wyatt sputtered and laughed some more as Eddie sighed in defeat. “You’d  _ think  _ that’d be the right answer.” ****  
** **

  “But as usual, our Eddie is far too proud to stay silent.” Wyatt drummed the wheel excitably. “So? What’d you do?” ****  
** **

  “I thought it would only be polite to answer his question. I told him I preferred any and all spicy chips. They really help in keeping you wide awake. He must have seen my answer as acceptable as he just nodded along.” That sleazy look returned. “‘Spicy, huh? Guessing you’re not from boring ol’ Utah then. People here get a little more salt than they bargained for on their chicken and then suddenly their mouths are on fire.’ Maybe I was just tired, but I’ll admit I laughed at his little joke. I would be a dick otherwise.” ****  
** **

  “Never stopped you before.” ****  
** **

  Eddie ignored Wyatt. “It was followed by more...meaningless small talk about food before he noticed me staring at his cape. Apparently, it was for some geek convention nearby and he was just so ‘pleased with his work on it’ he couldn’t let it ‘go to waste’ after it was over. A 24 hour supermarket isn’t exactly the first place I would go to bust out the ol’ nerd gear, but we weren’t exactly cut from the same cloth.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt pointed to Eddie, as if trying to recall something and looking to his friend for help. “Now, Eddie, he didn’t happen to mention the character he was, did he?” ****  
** **

  “Oh he did. He might as well have given me the summary of each episode and backstory to all the characters ‘cause that’s what it felt like. Even when I tried walking away to another aisle, he  _ followed  _ me and kept on going. I don’t care if you like something, just don’t info dump everything about it to me at 3 AM in the frozen foods section. I’m not in the right mindset for that. Besides, don’t you have  _ friends  _ for that? Or at least other nerds that you know? I don’t know you dude!” ****  
** **

  “Ah don’t be so harsh on the guy, Ed.” Wyatt said, almost in a cooing tone. “People could say the same thing about you.” ****  
** **

  “Funny how the moments you decide not to be so damn thoughtful are the ones where you’re bullying me.”  ****  
** **

  More anticipated laughter from Wyatt. ****  
** **

  “After what felt like an  _ eternity _ of this shit, I had found my savior.” He gestured dramatically to Wyatt. “In the form of a 25-year-old man who has never seen a brush before in his lifetime and was in the middle of the most important decision of his life: which instant coffee to buy.” ****  
** **

  “Guilty as charged.” ****  
** **

  “I had finally reunited with my dear friend, but was that enough? Oh no, of course not. Then he started talking to  _ Wyatt,  _ seeing him as yet another potential nerd friend. Which I mean, out of the two of them, Wyatt  _ is  _ the most likely to get roped into geek shit so it only makes sense he’d get to talking to him too.” ****  
** **

  “Don’t act so innocent. You’ve had your fair share of geek fanboy moments and you know it.” ****  
** **

  “I don’t know how you keep forgetting this, but I’m telling a story  _ you  _ wanted me to tell so-“ Eddie made a zipping motion up to his lips. ****  
** **

  Most people by now would be overwhelmed and maybe Ben was overwhelmed. But in the best way possible. He didn’t care if he had barely gotten a word in. After all, it was their story, not his. He did a fine enough job patiently waiting through all of the in-joke filled banter that would slip in between moments of the story. It was almost interesting to him to see all these different sides to them and their relationship. He’d gladly stay silent for a day if it meant being a part of this. ****  
** **

  “We ended up in one of the most awkward one-sided conversation in my life. He talked, Wyatt tried to keep it up somewhat ‘cause he’s too good and I considered just driving out without him. I know Wyatt’s routine with people like this: keep up that friendly, if maybe a bit distant exterior, before politely excusing himself without the other even batting an eye. I’d try doing that myself but I was far too exhausted to even think about that. Even if I  _ was _ more awake, I dunno how he does it and every time I attempt it, I end up looking like a jackass.” ****  
** **

  “And I’ll never reveal my secrets.” ****  
** **

  “That’s when the dude drops an important tip about life. Apparently, chicks  _ love  _ a man who can dress fashionably and creatively, such as he did. He even suggest that we should get into it so we could ‘score’ easier with the ladies.” ****  
** **

  The mere memory of his advice had Wyatt humming and restraining his laughter. ****  
** **

  “We told him that…” Eddie hesitated with his words. “Neither of us were exactly looking for relationships so his advice meant nothing to us. But did he take no for an answer? Of course not, because maybe we just weren’t  _ convinced  _ yet of the abilities wearing a costume had on you with ladies.” Eddie clapped his hands together. “Thankfully for him, one of the customers that night was a lovely young women, just minding her own business.” ****  
** **

  Ben was cringing by this point. Eddie’s storytelling ability made it easy to stomach, however he couldn’t be shielded from all of the second hand embarrassment that came with it. It reminded him of some of the boys back in his basketball team. Almost every last one of them was cocky to the bone and confident when it came to girls. Looks like some guys never grew out of that phase. ****  
** **

  “He told us to stand back and watch him work his magic and...magic it was.” His hands wavered in front of himself as to paint the picture again. “I can’t recall all that he said but I know the girl was having absolutely  _ none  _ of it. He was being creepy, awkward and not at all like the smooth casanova we were promised. We didn’t give him money for his little demonstration but I  _ still  _ wanted my money back for wasting our goddamn time.” He shook his head, cringing as well. “And he kept looking over at us and giving us the thumbs-up, like he was actually doing well or something and wanted to inform his dear friends about it. But we knew.” Though his nose stayed crinkled from the cringing, he still grinned. “But eventually, a miracle happened.” ****  
** **

  “Divine intervention, if you will.” ****  
** **

  “Yeah, I’m not religious or whatever, but that must have been it. He said something and we could tell she was getting more pissed by the second. That’s when he tried to casually touch her waist.” He suddenly reeled his arm back and punched straight up. “BOOM!” Ben jumped a bit, immediately embarrassed that he did so. “She didn’t hesitate! She pulled her leg back and kneed him right in the dick!” ****  
** **

  Wyatt snorted and sighed, shaking his head. “Fell down like a house of cards. I would’ve felt bad but...I didn’t.” ****  
** **

  “And there’s more!” Eddie lifted his finger. “Well, not a lot more. He tried getting up and ended up stepping on his cape, causing him to absolutely eat shit for a second time. By this point, we were in tears. Maybe it wasn’t as funny as we remembered it being and it was just the sleep making us loopy but we didn’t care. It was truly a beautiful sight. Like Wyatt said, I would’ve felt bad if he was just a nerd down on his luck but nope! A real creep he turned out to be.” ****  
** **

  “I bet.” Ben said quietly.  ****  
** **

  “We tend to look back on past events and reflect on what we would’ve done differently and here, it’s not exception.” Though he had calmed down from all the excitement the memory of this encounter gave him, a satisfied smile took control of his lips. “If I was any less tired and that poor girl was any less confident in standing up for herself, would’ve dealt with the jackass myself.”  ****  
** **

  “Scary” wasn’t quite the first word that popped into Ben’s brain when he would look at Wyatt, but he definitely held an intimidating air to him. Ben could say that height played a hefty role in it as he stood just a few inches above him. Plus with the bushy beard, wild hair and usually deadpan resting face...yeah he had full potential to scare off a creep or two.  ****  
** **

  Eddie though? He’d probably end up making a creep laugh, even if he didn’t mean to. ****  
** **

  It was a late reaction, but Ben lightly laughed through a crooked smile. He’s sure he would’ve found the story even more hilarious if he was there, but for what it was and for Eddie’s storytelling skills, he thoroughly enjoyed it. He wished he could laugh a bit harder, but it’s all he could manage. ****  
** **

  “Man...and that’s just one story, yeah?” ****  
** **

  “Yep!” Eddie replied. “Got a whole arsenal of tales to tell. This was one of the tamer ones just to ease you into things, y’know?”    ****  
** **

  “I haven’t met a single person who doesn’t get sick of his stories quick besides me so-” ****  
** **

  “Guess I’ll be joining you with that then.” Ben chirped. “Stories are a great way to just...forget about the world for a bit.” ****  
** **

  Eddie’s grinned eased up a bit. “Yeah...I agree.” He patted Ben on the shoulder, if a bit rough as Ben winces again. He looks over to Wyatt, pointing to the young man. “See? He gets it!” ****  
** **

  “Wasn’t disagreeing with you.” ****  
** **

  Eddie looked outside, first out on his side then out the front window. His face lit up. “Ah! See?” ****  
** **

  Wyatt and Ben both threw Eddie some confusing side glances. The former of the two voiced his concerns. “Uh...what? The fields? Yeah, they sure look just like the fields we passed twenty minutes ago.” ****  
** **

  “I mean, we forgot about them, didn’t we? If just for a few minutes.” ****  
** **

  Emptiness still surrounded them, dry and still, but he was right. There was no use sitting around and complaining for change. So, sometimes, you had to make do with what you know and Eddie, he didn’t look it, but he knew a lot and boy did he love to talk about it. It made Ben forget that things were currently going to hell and that they were practically in the middle of nowhere. ****  
** **

  In those short moments, Ben wasn’t sat in the back of a beat up car, eyes and mouth dry just like the air around him. ****  
** **

  Instead, he could feel the chilled air of Utah, air he had never even breathed before. He could feel equally chilled air from store freezers wrap its fingers around him and hear his sneakers squeak against the tiled floors. His eyes heavy with sleep but his lips turned upwards into a laughing smile. ****  
** **

  A memory he longed to be his own but he make do with being just an outsider looking in. ****  
** **

  Even then, he was starting to feel less like an outsider when with them.


	11. Hit and run

  Ben didn’t expect at all that his sleep schedule would suddenly improve over the days he had spent with Wyatt and Eddie, but it’s still something he longed for. Passing out when light still gleamed brilliantly through the windows and waking up to near pitch black darkness was always the norm when he still lived in the city all by himself. It seemed like the habit was far from dead even when the inside of a car replaced the setting of a desolate building, waiting to be filled to the brim with walkers. At least here, the fear of walkers getting to him shrunk by a large amount. Harder to attack a constantly moving vehicle than a stagnant structure, seemingly always on the brink of collapsing in on itself. He didn’t dread the thought of sleep anymore. The nightmares were still very much present and he knew they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. It was when he returned into the waking world that his fears slowly but surely dissolved once he remembered where he was. ****  
** **

  His eyes snapped open, sharply inhaling as his shoulders tensed up. A soft glow radiated from the front of the car but other than that, darkness surrounded him and the car. He blinked a few times, rubbing his eyes. As he did so, he could see some shifting from Wyatt and Eddie in the front seats. They both looked to be awake, if probably a bit tired. Wyatt still sat firmly behind the wheel, watching the road with careful eyes while Eddie, leaning his elbow on the side compartment, rested his head in his hand, trying to stay awake. ****  
** **

  “Oh how I would  _ kill  _ for some coffee right about now.” He mumbled before letting out a loud yawn. ****  
** **

  “Or, and call me crazy for saying this, you can just go to sleep instead. No one’s forcing you to stay up. You know I can handle things just fine on my own.” Wyatt only sounded slightly annoyed, but concern took up most of his tone. ****  
** **

  Eddie scoffed. “No way.  _ You  _ know that’s not how I do things.” He looked over, his face still squished in his hand. A sleepy grin found its way onto his face and his voice grew even more quiet. “Besides, if I’m asleep, who’s gonna annoy you into staying awake if you start to doze off? Certainly not Ben.” ****  
** **

  They must not have noticed Ben stirring awake. ****  
** **

  “Trust me, I’m not going to doze off anytime soon.” Wyatt said, trying to reassure him.  ****  
** **

  “Guess that makes two of us.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt sighed. “You’re impossible.” ****  
** **

  “Like I don’t already know it.” ****  
** **

  “It’s the fact that you  _ know  _ how cocky and...stupid you are is what gets to me.” ****  
** **

  Eddie tilted his head, pulling a confused stare. “Gets to you how?” The confusion must have been another act of his as his smile returned quickly returned. Even when tired, Eddie knew how to put up a good show. ****  
** **

  Wyatt didn’t answer at first, giving Eddie only a quick side glance before continuing to focus on the road. ****  
** **

  “You know.” Ben wasn’t even sure if he really heard it at first, thinking that maybe his mind was trying to fill up the silence again. However, guessing by how Eddie deeply inhaled as he leaned back in his seat to better look at Wyatt, he must have heard it too. ****  
** **

  Yet he didn’t say anything, copying the driver’s tactic of not answering right away. But when it did look as if he were about to say something, a yawn from Ben refused to be held down or unheard any longer. ****  
** **

  The two of them looked back at the now third awake member of their little party.  ****  
** **

  “Hey there.” Eddie greeted. “Ready to take on the world, sleeping beauty?” ****  
** **

  Ben slowly sat up, making sure to do so slow enough as to not give himself a headache. “Bringing back the nickname?” ****  
** **

  “Everyone loves a good throwback. Besides, it fits.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt snorted but said nothing. ****  
** **

  “Far from my worst nickname, so, I guess I’ll take it.” He muttered unsurely. His eyes grew more adjusted to the darkness. He wish he knew what time it was exactly. Guessing only proved to be so useful. He noticed that the two of them were leaning back more into their own spaces. Even Eddie now sat with his shoulder against the cold window.  ****  
** **

  Ben shook his head. “Ah, sorry. Were you guys talking?” He already knew they were, but he was guessing they didn’t know he knew. ****  
** **

  Eddie waved away the apology. “Barely. Was just saying how...fuckin’ tired I am.” ****  
** **

  “M-Maybe you should try to get some sleep then.” ****  
** **

  Eddie rolled his eyes as Wyatt smiled. “Well would you look at that. Looks like we got you beat, Eddie. Now you  _ have  _ to sleep and with Ben awake, you can rest easy knowing that he’ll keep us all safe by making sure I don’t crash.” ****  
** **

  “Should’ve known you two would gang up on me like this. In any case, I’m still not sleeping. You can’t make me.” ****  
** **

  “That is true yes.” Wyatt hummed. “But you’re especially annoying when you’re tired so I wish I  _ could _ make you sleep.” ****  
** **

  “Ever heard of chloroform?” Eddie jokingly asked. ****  
** **

  Wyatt clicked his tongue and nodded. “Ah yes. I’ll be sure to add that to the shopping list for the next time we stop to stock up.” ****  
** **

  “Oh, can you also add chips? And pizza? And ice cream? And hell, add cigs and beer while you’re at it.” He looked back around to Ben. “You want anything, kid?” ****  
** **

  There was a lot he wanted, but he decided to start small. “Um,” He rubbed his eyes some more and gave a small smile. “Some pancakes and bacon would sound great right about now. With lots of syrup.” ****  
** **

  “I second that.” Eddie said with a lazily raised hand. “Think you can make that happen, Wyatt?” ****  
** **

  “Oh yeah, for sure.” Ben couldn’t help but smile wider at Wyatt playing along. “Next diner I see, we’re pulling over and eating til’ we burst.” ****  
** **

  “Sounds like a plan.” Eddie then pulled a fake confused face as he felt around his denim jacket and pants pockets. He looked up, more mock disappointment. “Damn, seems that I have misplaced my wallet. Would you be cool with paying for it all?” ****  
** **

  “And I’m guessing  _ you  _ don’t have any money neither?” Wyatt asked, looking back at Ben in the rear view mirror. ****  
** **

  Ben merely shook his head. ****  
** **

  “Me paying for everyone’s meal. Why am I not surprised?” ****  
** **

  “Sounds like you’re used to it.” Observed Ben. ****  
** **

  Wyatt chuckled. “God, now you’re starting to sound like him. Just what a need,” He gestured to Eddie, who was mindlessly fiddling with his jacket zipper. “Two of him.” ****  
** **

  “I-I only meant that...you’ve done it a lot. That’s all.” ****  
** **

  “He has!” Eddie piped up. “‘Cause that’s just the kind of generous man he is. Always willing to lend a hand and a few bucks to make his friends happy.” ****  
** **

  “Not always willingly, mind you.” Wyatt’s muttered words were met with another wave of the hand from Eddie. ****  
** **

  “You’re being modest.” ****  
** **

  “Someone here has to be.” He said. “Another good reason we got Ben. I’m not the only sane one here anymore.” ****  
** **

  “You give me far too much credit.” Mumbled Ben, sounding embarrassed. “I have full capability of being...an absolute bonehead...just the dumbest...wouldn’t be surprised if people thought I was crazy that’s how bad it is.” ****  
** **

  “Everyone’s at least a little crazy, so they’d be hypocrites to call you that.” Eddie looked out the window, tracing fingertips on frosted glass. He squinted at the moon, watching it begin to dip slightly. ****  
** **

  “God, you’re so pretentious.” ****  
** **

  Eddie quickly whipped around to face him and defend himself. “Hey! I just meant that, like, who wouldn’t get at least a  _ little _ batshit during all this? Watching fuckin’ corpses start walking and taking bites out of anyone they can get their hands on...it fucks with you, man. We’ve been lucky that we haven’t seen people close to us bite the dust yet, but not everyone is that lucky.” ****  
** **

  Eddie was right.  ****  
** **

  Hell, Ben had seen it himself. ****  
** **

  A man from his previous group had lost everything. His wife...his kid...what kept him going. Ben wasn’t sure if he would call it “going crazy” but he certainly did lose himself. He grew to be so reckless. He didn’t care anymore and Ben couldn’t blame him. How could he? Not only did he lose his family, something Ben could to an extent, relate to, but the way he lost them...  ****  
** **

  The air seemed to grow dangerously colder but only for him as shivers went up and down his back. That seemed to happen anytime memories came creeping back. To think things were starting to get better. He couldn’t keep getting like this whenever loss or walkers were brought up. He wouldn’t be able to function properly. Sleep tugged at his eyes viciously but he couldn’t go back to sleep now. He knew if he did while his thoughts were where they were, it would be hell. More ammo for the voices to fire back with. He could already hear them, however, he couldn’t make out what exactly was being said. The harsh muttered whispering sat at the back of his head as he searched for anything to distract himself.  ****  
** **

  He couldn’t rely on a story from Eddie, who had gone quiet, this time. Even though he swore up and down he wasn’t tired, he was almost a worse liar than Ben. Eddie leaned back against the window and tiredly dragged his finger against the glass, drawing random shapes and lines in the frost. Ben decided to mimic his behavior and scooted closer to one of the windows to look out.  ****  
** **

  A small gasp found its way out from Ben as he gazed out. Hundreds of stars scattered across the dark sky. Guess there wasn’t really any pollution being made left to cloud and obscure them anymore. He rested his arms against the window and leaned forward some more, his nose nearly pressing against the glass. He was sure they were always this clear throughout their ride in the sticks, but he never considered looking out at night. Maybe it was out of fear of seeing something rustling in the fields or something else entirely. But in the moment, it didn’t matter anymore. Ben never saw himself as the star gazing type but this had him rethink some things about himself. As much as he enjoyed watching them from the car, seeing them stay relatively still as the car never slowed down, he’d like to watch from outside. Somewhere safe, of course. Somewhere where he could feel the warm summer night air on his skin without worrying it would be chewed off by something undead.  ****  
** **

  But with how things were, it would take a lot more than that to convince him on leaving the car. Ignoring the chances of running into walkers, his ankle still wasn’t in the best shape. He could probably get some good distance on it, but it wouldn’t feel all that pleasant on him and he wouldn’t feel good having to lean on one of them for support. They were already doing so much for him. The least he could do was stand on his own two feet.  ****  
** **

  At the thought, he peeled his eyes away from the sky down at his foot. He tried wiggling it a bit as if to test if it would still respond. It did and he only hurt a smidge, still enough to make him wince. ****  
** **

  Instead of returning his gaze outside the window, he looked ahead at the road. As he did, he could tell that although Wyatt was far from passing out, he could bet money that sleep was definitely on his mind. Then again, money would be a useless thing to bet on. He’d bet...what  _ would  _ he bet?  ****  
** **

  His eyes stayed glued on the road but his face grew vacant as he thought about things not worth thinking that much about. ****  
** **

  His jersey? It may be filthy but it still meant a lot to him. So, maybe not his first choice. ****  
** **

  Vocal cords? You can still royally fuck up without a voice so it wouldn’t be taking too much away from him. ****  
** **

  A limb? Maybe something small like a finger. He’s probably faint if presented with the idea so at least he wouldn’t have to be conscious for it. ****  
** **

  Maybe- ****  
** **

  Ben blinked, eyes darting to the fields besides them. ****  
** **

  Did he see something moving? ****  
** **

  He wished he could simply chalk it up to his tired mind playing tricks on him but in this world, stuff like that couldn’t be brushed aside and played off like a figment of one’s imagination. ****  
** **

  “Um.” Ben croaked quietly. “W-Wyatt, could you sl-slow down a little?” ****  
** **

  Wyatt hummed to acknowledge his request before he following through with it. Neither men questioned his request, Eddie being too drowsy to fire a sarcastic remark Ben’s way. Ben wish that he had, at least then the odd tension would’ve been lifted a little bit.  ****  
** **

  He hadn’t slowed down by much which shouldn’t have been a big deal. However, Ben couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else there with them. Not necessarily a walker but Ben would take that over another human any day of the week. Every day he thanked God or whatever was out there that Wyatt and Eddie found him and not literally anyone else. But that rustling...it made him fear the idea of seeing another human. ****  
** **

  Thankfully, it wasn’t a human...but that didn’t mean it was a walker either. ****  
** **

  “WYATT!”  ****  
** **

  Ben looked ahead just in time to see something bound out in front of the road and to yell for Wyatt’s attention. The driver cursed, snapping his eyes wide open and slamming on the breaks. All the while, Eddie was more than awake at this point and letting out his on stream of confused and scared curses as he tried figuring out what the hell was happening. Wyatt must have not been quick enough on those breaks because they only stopped after a loud  _ thud _ shook the car. Ben’s heart jackhammered against his ribs once they slowed to a complete stop and watched the illuminated road for any sign of movement. They didn’t need to wait long as, surprisingly, a cow got back up on its hooves before running into the fields opposite from where it came from. It didn’t appear too badly hurt. But the same couldn’t be said about the car. Ben didn’t need to see it to know that the car probably took more damage out of this little traffic accident. ****  
** **

  For the longest time, nothing was said. All they could was stare out onto the road, letting out heavy breaths to help calm themselves down. Only Ben continued to shake both in fear but also in relief. Relief because it wasn’t a human but fear in the wait to hear on the car’s condition. The headlights still worked so that was a good sign. ****  
** **

  Finally, Eddie let out a stunned huff of breath and blinked. ****  
** **

  “Now...either I’m crazy, or...or that was a fuckin’ cow.” He whipped his head around to face Wyatt. “It was a cow...and you fuckin’ hit it.” ****  
** **

  The cogs seemed to still be turning in Wyatt’s head before he sighed deeply and fell foreword, bumping his head onto the steering wheel. Eddie laughed but something about it was off. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t the happy, carefree laugh Ben was growing used to hearing. ****  
** **

  “Yeah, you were driving and you hit a fuckin’ cow? Isn't that something?” ****  
** **

  “Please.” Wyatt quietly groaned, not lifting his head. “Not now.” ****  
** **

  “No no no!” Eddie replied quickly, eying Ben for a split second. “Just wanna make sure we’re all on the same page here with this. So, we were driving and then Ben-“ ****  
** **

  “I know!” Ben jumped at his growling tone. “I was  _ there _ . I  _ saw _ it. You don’t gotta remind me.” ****  
** **

  “Then you realize why this is so funny then, right?” Eddie didn’t wait for Wyatt to answer before scoffing. “‘Cause this is the funniest shit I’ve seen all night. Granted, you didn’t pass out but it was still a cow. I guess I can finally say I stand corrected but it wasn’t  _ me _ behind the wheel and I-” ****  
** **

  “Hey Eddie?” Wyatt finally sat up, not looking angry or even upset. Somehow though, his vacant expression managed to hit so much harder than expected. ****  
** **

  Eddie’s own expression wavered a bit. “Yeah?” ****  
** **

  Still staring him dead in the eye, Wyatt grabbed a flashlight and gun from the glove department. Even after taking them, he still looked at him, taking a moment for another especially deep breath. ****  
** **

  “I’m gonna go outside now and check things out. Come out with me when you’re done, okay?” ****  
** **

  Eddie gulped and gave a small nod as Wyatt opened the car door and stepped out. ****  
** **

  He exhaled and reclined back in his seat soon after, cursing some more under his breath. ****  
** **

  Ben scooted forward a bit and placed his hand on the back of Eddie’s seat. He hesitated for a moment before clearing his throat. “You okay?” ****  
** **

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” Sighed Eddie, dragging a sluggish hand over his face, taking extra time to run his fingers over his beard. “He’s not pissed if that’s what you’re worried about. Well, he’s pissed but he’s not _ pissed _ pissed, y’know?” ****  
** **

  Ben nodded, pretending to understand. ****  
** **

  Either Eddie knew he didn’t know or he needed an excuse to keep on talking. “He isn’t angry with me or you. We’re tired, we just hit a fuckin’  _ cow  _ for Christ’s sake and I...it’s so dumb but a while ago, he told me to slow down while driving or I might hit a cow. And I thought this would be the perfect moment to bring it up...like an idiot.” ****  
** **

  Ben scrunched up his eyebrows. He wanted to say something as a way to comfort him but he couldn’t even comfort himself at times, so how could he expect he’ll do well with someone else? Outside he could see Wyatt working under the hood of the car and he cringed at the sizable dent left behind by the cow.  ****  
** **

  Yep, exactly what he expected. ****  
** **

  “Maybe you should go out and help him.” ****  
** **

  Eddie looked thrown off guard by this. “But what about you? Would you be cool with being alone in the car?” ****  
** **

  “I’ll be okay.” Ben would be insulted by someone implying that he really needed extreme supervision but Eddie wasn’t worried he would fuck up being on his own. He was worried something would  _ happen  _ to him. “You guys are right there and I can’t imagine it would take too long.” He attempted a playful smile but he knew it must’ve looked awkward. “If you hear any screams though, then maybe you should be worried.” ****  
** **

  Eddie returned the awkward, but nonetheless sincere smile before climbing out of the car himself. ****  
** **

  Ben watched as Eddie approached Wyatt, who had removed his head from under the now lowered hood at this point to talk to him. He couldn’t make out much of what was being said but he could safely say no one was mad with anyone. Petty passive aggression took a backseat at the elephant (or in this case, cow) in the room: the condition of the car. Wyatt gestured vaguely to the hood as he talked, Eddie soaking up each word with a serious look on his face. Soon he saw both their mouths stay shut for a while, silently thinking of what to do now. Wyatt then looked over Eddie’s shoulder, his face lighting up, not happy necessarily, but curious. He reached out to grab ahold Eddie’s shoulder and turn him around to face what Wyatt was looking at. Ben looked out himself but it was just too dark. ****  
** **

  But Ben seemed to guess right on how long it would take as it wasn’t too long after that they both returned to the car. Even after they buckled themselves back in and sat still and comfortable in their seats, they weren’t in any hurry to say anything quite yet. ****  
** **

  “So?” Ben pushed. ****  
** **

  “Nothing was completely destroyed in the collusion but things...could be running smoother. Can’t risk ignoring it and just hoping nothing bad happens while we’re driving.” Wyatt stated in a matter of fact tone. ****  
** **

  “If I had some tools I could probably fix it.” Ben had no doubt Eddie was fully capable of working with cars but guessing by the wording, they had no tools to use in the first place. ****  
** **

  “So what do we do?” ****  
** **

  Wyatt pointed outside, towards the fields. “Dunno if you can see from here, but Eddie and I saw what looks like a farm or something. It didn’t look too far away so a road leading up to it should be close. Even if we don’t find any tools, there’s bound to be something there. As you know by now, any chance we get to find stuff, we take it.” ****  
** **

  Ben’s stomach twisted into deep knots at the mention of a farm. It troubled him in such a precise way how something so general and simple can be ruined so greatly. He didn’t care if it was a farm for shearing sheep or milking cows or collecting chicken eggs. If the word “farm” was attached to it, he wanted nothing to do with it. ****  
** **

  “Jesus Ben...are you okay?” Ben flinched when Eddie reached out and felt his forehead with the back of his hand. “You feel as sweaty and clammy as you look.” ****  
** **

  Ben quickly wiped his brow. “I, uh, I really, um…” He shook his head, trying to get some words past his mouth without muttering or stumbling. ****  
** **

  “What’s up? Got beef with farms.” Eddie immediately regret his choice of words but managed to hide the small dumb smile away. ****  
** **

  “I do actually.” The two men were surprised with Ben’s bluntness. “I...I used to like them. I mean, I worked on a goat farm one time and that was fun but...things change.” ****  
** **

  Ben’s vagueness always made them wary, but they didn’t see it their place to push things further. ****  
** **

  “I don’t think we should go.” Ben whispered in a shaky tone. “There has to be better places to stop at. It would just take longer to get to, that’s all.” ****  
** **

  “Ben,” Wyatt started. “You know we respect your thoughts and opinions on things as a group member but...we don’t really have many alternative options here. Like I said before, we can’t ignore it for too long and it’s right there. We can’t pass this up.”

  “But...but what if there’s people?” Ben hunched over, wrapping his arms around himself as if to keep himself from literally falling apart. He couldn’t keep himself from muttering and slurring his words, however. “Shit...fuck...fuck...no no…can’t...we can’t go.” ****  
** **

  Eddie began to quietly shush him, rubbing his shoulder. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Whatever happened then, it won’t happen again. I promise. If we even think we see someone, we’re getting the fuck out, okay? We got each other’s backs here. Nothing’s gonna happen.” ****  
** **

  He still wasn’t sure he believed him, but his gentle words and touch were starting to become a recurring comfort source for Ben. He closed his eyes, sighing and leaned into the touch slightly before sitting up straight, still hugging his body. ****  
** **

  “Are you okay with that, Ben?” Wyatt asked.  ****  
** **

  “Kinda, I guess.” He muttered. “I feel at least a little better now.” ****  
** **

  Eddie smiled. “Good. That’s good. Glad to know my comfort skills aren’t complete horse shit.” ****  
** **

  “Still far from golden.” ****  
** **

  Eddie snickered before lightly punching Wyatt’s shoulder. It strangely enough made Ben feel more at ease. ****  
** **

  It felt just like the normal joking around and bickering he was used to hearing. ****  
** **

  Almost made him forget that they were about to drive straight for what Ben worried to be another slaughterhouse. Both for animals and humans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaaaa looks like the farm adventures will take place in the next chapter :3c


	12. Memories

  “Children of the corn much?” ****  
** **

  Though it was an attempt from Eddie to keep spirits high among them, Ben’s stomach still twisted into tight knots as they grew closer to the farm. ****  
** **

  He wasn’t sure if it was horror movie level creepiness, but it certainly held a less than inviting air to it. The fact that the sun wasn’t up yet didn’t help its case. ****  
** **

  Both the house and the barn stood seemingly vacant, holding no immediately noticeable signs of life to them. At least, they couldn’t see any lights shining from within. The doors to both buildings were shut and as they drove closer, they could see an also seemingly abandoned tractor and pickup truck parked near the barn. Ben could practically sense the rust that most likely stuck to the vehicles. Wyatt made the decision not to approach with the headlight at full blast, so in the moment, they had no idea what else would have been creeping in the shadows just beyond their line of sight. Ben hoped that the most these shadows held were walkers or more stray farm animals instead of humans. ****  
** **

  Wyatt stopped and parked the car a fair distance away from the buildings and glanced towards his fellow passengers. For a moment, nothing was said, the only noises playing around them being distant crickets and a few small gusts of wind rattling the car. ****  
** **

  “What do you think?” Eddie asked, breaking the tension. ****  
** **

  “I think we should watch where we step if we decide to look around this place.” ****  
** **

  “Is that a suggestion about watching our backs for creeps or a suggestion to make sure we don’t step in cow shit?” And from the sound of Eddie’s tone, he wasn’t completely joking. ****  
** **

  Wyatt once again didn’t speak up at first, sighing instead. “Both...I guess.” ****  
** **

  Ben thought back to the small town they passed through in which Wyatt volunteered to step up and check the place out while him and Eddie stayed behind. “Should someone stay behind to...you know...watch the car?” ****  
** **

  Wyatt began to think more on the idea, chin in his hand and eyebrows scrunched up. “This could be a stupid idea, but-” ****  
** **

  “Woah, Wyatt with a stupid idea?” Eddie interrupted. “Whatever happened to always being the voice of reason?” ****  
** **

  It wasn’t too intense of a glare, but it was enough to get Eddie to chuckle awkwardly and pipe down. ****  
** **

  “Maybe it’s a bad idea,” He started over. “But...I don’t think we should split up. At least, not when it’s still dark out and have little to no idea what’s around here.” ****  
** **

  Though Ben could imagine that it wouldn’t stay dark for too much longer, guessing by the stars beginning to fade, he agreed with Wyatt. They already literally ran into a cow, so there just had to be more living things around, right? Maybe it would just be more animals, but either way, Ben wasn’t ready to be on his own or have them split up again. ****  
** **

  “Where should we check first?” Wyatt asked to Eddie this time. ****  
** **

  Eddie had his attention focused on the nearby truck. “Think that truck has any gas?” He replied to Wyatt’s question with one of his own. ****  
** **

  “Dunno. Guess that could be our first stop on this field trip of ours.” ****  
** **

  “Damn it.” Eddie quietly cursed. “I wanted to go to the zoo.” ****  
** **

  “Maybe next time.” Wyatt droned. “But for now, suck it up and grab the canister in the back. I’ll help Ben.” ****  
** **

  Without anymore words shared between them, they both climbed out, flashlights in their hands and guns at their hips. Like they promised each other, Eddie went to the trunk to grab where they kept their gas, the canister only being around half full, while Wyatt opened up the door on Ben’s side. ****  
** **

  “Think you can walk?” The question held genuine intentions, yet his voice sounded awkward. ****  
** **

  Ben looked down at his wrapped up ankle. The swelling had gone down, sure, but he wasn’t sure how it would feel yet. “Um,” He thought. “I-I can try.” ****  
** **

  Before Wyatt could offer his hand, Ben pulled on his shoes, slightly wincing at how tight they felt around the bandages and only then did he take the older man’s hand. Wyatt carefully pulled him out, Ben slightly bouncing on his good foot as he leaned against Wyatt’s shoulder for support. ****  
** **

  “S-Shit. Sorry.” Ben mumbled. ****  
** **

  “Try to stand on both feet.” Wyatt said, disregarding the apology. “If you can’t...well it’s a good thing we aren’t separating. I can keep helping you out. Eddie would probably be better at this if he wasn’t so short.” ****  
** **

  “I heard that.” Eddie blurted, walking out from behind the car. ****  
** **

  Wyatt tilted his head and gave a puzzled look. “How’d you hear that from all the way down there?” He ended the rhetorical question with a tiny half grin.  ****  
** **

  Eddie shook his head, shining his light out as he began to walk over to the truck. “Asshole…” ****  
** **

  Ben attempted to stand on his less than functional foot and like expected, it didn’t quite make him scream out in pain, but it was far from fully healed. He’d have to make do with hopping around on his good foot while leaning against Wyatt, who didn’t seem to mind the situation all that much. He didn’t say anything more to Ben as they joined Eddie and after that small grin he gave to Eddie, his face returned to his usual poker face. As Eddie tried to siphon what little gas the truck probably held, Wyatt awkwardly opened one of the doors to it with Ben still clinging to his shoulder. He shined his own light in and cringed at the handful of mice that scattered off the worn out seats once they realized they weren’t alone. He hadn’t realized just how dilapidated the truck had been until they got a closer look at the thing. The radio was ripped out, small holes covered two of the tires, along with the seats, and door handle itself looked to be on its final hinges. ****  
** **

  “Looks like this truck has seen better days.” Wyatt mumbled, trying to look and see if the interior held anything that would be of use to them. ****  
** **

  “Tell me about it.” Eddie groaned, giving one of the more intact tires a good kick. “I would say the only thing it’s good for is gas, but-” ****  
** **

  “No luck?” Wyatt asked with a disappointed sigh. ****  
** **

  Eddie shook the canister, sloshing around what sounded like a decent amount of fuel they already had before stopping. “Thank Christ we weren’t running low or else I’d do a lot more than kick this bastard for wasting my time.” ****  
** **

  “Draw anymore attention to ourselves and  _ I’ll _ have to do worse than kick you.” Chuckled Wyatt. ****  
** **

  “Yeah?” Eddie didn’t sound too frightened by the threat. “Like what?” ****  
** **

  Ben watched as Wyatt’s face twisted up into an odd mix of a grin and a cringe. “Tell you what: Next useful thing you find, I’ll dish out a few examples for ya.” ****  
** **

  He almost looked excited by the offer and after returning the canister of gas to the car, Eddie flickered his light a few times to the pair before drawing closer to the barn. Wyatt silently rolled his eyes as he carefully pulled Ben along with him to the barn doors. ****  
** **

  The push Eddie gave it caused it to open with a creak, earning him a sharp glare from Wyatt. Nonetheless, the two of them shined their lights all around as they walked in, Ben’s grip around Wyatt’s shoulder growing noticeably tighter in anticipation of what could pop out at them. So far, the only noises that filled the space around them were the gentle crunches of hay beneath their feet and the quiet howls of wind that managed to sneak and coil through the windows or cracks in the worn out wooden walls. But no walker noises or noises belonging to humans besides themselves. After checking each stable, all three of them came up empty handed. All they found were rat and mice nests and in one of the stables, sadly enough, the corpse of a calf. It looked to had been dead for a while. ****  
** **

  “Shit…” Eddie mumbled, shielding his nose from the stench. “Guess not all of the animals got off so lucky.” ****  
** **

  “Guess not.” Wyatt replied sadly. ****  
** **

  The smell and sight of it had Ben’s stomach threatening to empty, but he knew nothing would come up. All he could do was shield his own nose and try his best not to look at it. The feeling soon subsided once Eddie shut the door to it. Once it was shut though, Eddie cursed to himself, continuing to snoop around the barn on his own as Wyatt carefully slipped his arm away from Ben and helped him to lean against one of the more secure walls. ****  
** **

  “Doin’ alright?” Wyatt asked. ****  
** **

  Ben nodded, gulping back any leftover feelings of nausea. “Y-Yeah. Just...a bit nervous, I guess.” ****  
** **

  “Wow. You? Nervous? Color me surprised.” Ben could tell he was trying to lighten things up and he had to admit, it kind of worked. Wyatt seemed to regret saying it however. “Sorry. Maybe I should leave the dumb jokes and general dumbass behavior to Eddie. He does a fine enough job on his own with it.” ****  
** **

  Ben gave a small laugh. “Yeah. It’s okay though. You’re both actually funny. Can’t exactly say that about my past group members.”   ****  
** **

  “Trust me,” Wyatt began. “Without Eddie, I’d probably be just as big of a serious dickhead like a lot of the people out there.” He glanced over to Eddie, who was inspecting a large water basin. “For all the dumb shit he does, he manages to do a pretty decent job at keeping the mood light and spirits high. Hell, he can get a few laughs if he tries.” ****  
** **

  “He seems to make you laugh a lot.” Ben pointed out. ****  
** **

  That alone got a small smile to return to Wyatt’s lips. Smiles looked so foreign on him when Ben first met him, but now he was starting to notice he did it quite a bit more than he expected him to. Wyatt kept his sights on Eddie as he leaned against the wall. ****  
** **

  “Guess you’re right.” He agreed quietly. ****  
** **

  Wyatt didn’t look away once Eddie returned, once again, empty handed. ****  
** **

  “Anymore bright ideas?” Wyatt asked and though he was obviously being sarcastic, it was a serious question of what to do next. ****  
** **

  “Well, for starters, get the fuck outta this smelly barn.” He pointed behind him with his thumb at a ladder leading above them. “Thought there’d at least be something on the second level, but nah. Nothing but more hay and fuckin’ rats. We know for sure that this area has probably been picked clean.” ****  
** **

  “Let’s hope the house isn’t the same.” Wyatt helped Ben to stand back up as he placed his arm around his back. “Alright you two, say bye to the barn.” ****  
** **

  “Can’t say I’ll miss it.” Ben said, staggering a bit as he walked. He chuckled watching Eddie flip it one last middle finger before leaving. ****  
** **

  Going back outside certainly was an odd experience. The air was still dark and cold, yet hints of an eventually rising sun shined at the horizon. Morning fog rolled in through the fields which casted the farm in an even more foreboding light. The songs of the crickets slowly but surely faded into nothingness. Now, the only sounds from their environment came in the form of the infrequent gusts of wind that would pass by every so often. Eddie shined his flashlight towards their car, which looked to have stayed untouched while they were away. The threat of humans remained stuck on their minds, but it wasn’t as strong as it was before. Their attention switched over to the house and they began to approach it. ****  
** **

  Ben cringed at each creaky step they walked to reach the porch. As Ben stared down the rocking chair nested next to the railings while Wyatt tried to look through the filthy cracked windows. Though lace curtains were put up to obscure the inside from any nosy neighbors, he could somewhat see what the interior looked like. The filth and cracks still however made it hard to get a good look. Eddie looked through another window, about to lean his hand against one of the few beams keeping the porch up, however, choosing instead not to test the endurance of the rotting wood. Eventually, Eddie worked up the courage to push open the door, which was unsurprisingly as squeaky as the steps leading up. ****  
** **

  “At least we’ll be able to hear if there’s anyone else inside.” Eddie joked before walking in. ****  
** **

  Though the other two were unsure, they soon followed in Eddie’s footsteps. ****  
** **

  Despite being indoors, the interior looked just like the outside. The couches in the living room had holes like the seats in the truck and the wood was old and worn out. The rug beneath them was falling apart at the seams and a thick layer of dust covered nearly every surface. Eddie groaned, covering his face like he did in the barn. ****  
** **

  “I don’t know how, but this place smells ten times worse than the barn.” He reached down to inspect a grimy pillow on a couch, before immediately recoiling back his hand. ****  
** **

  “It strangely enough smells like my grandma’s house.” Wyatt said plainly. He pinched his fingers in between the lace of the tacky curtains. “In fact, I think she had these same curtains at some point.” ****  
** **

  “Yeah, I can definitely see this place once belonging to a couple of fossils. How long do you think until we find a clump of mothballs in a closet?”  ****  
** **

  Wyatt chuckled. “Implying that they would only be in  _ one _ of the closets.” ****  
** **

  While Eddie continued to look in the living room, Wyatt and Ben made their way further into the dining room and kitchen. ****  
** **

  Ben sheepishly placed a hand on a tiled countertop. “I...I think I’ll be okay now.” He said, suggesting the idea that he could walk on his own. ****  
** **

  “You sure?” ****  
** **

  After he nodded, Wyatt slowly removed his arm from Ben and took a small step away from him. “Alright, but I’m right here, okay?” ****  
** **

  He nodded once more before, while still holding onto the counter, walking over to a large cabinet of ornately decorated plates. It must’ve been a universal things that all homes belonging to older people had: special plates where you can look, but you can’t touch. Hell, there was a lock on it and everything. Minus the layer of dust coating the plates, they looked to still be in perfect condition. In fact, despite the elements eating away at the furniture and walls, the building looked practically untouched by human or walker hands. It was as if the people living there just up and left. He glanced up a the dead clock hanging on the wall. ****  
** **

  It was stopped at 3:30, most likely the time at which the batteries ran out. ****  
** **

  After moving back into the kitchen with the assistance of the counter, he took a chance and started looking through the cabinets. Either the people living there were smart and decided to take all the food they could grab or the looters that came by just happened to be very careful as to not disturb the space around them. In any case, he couldn’t find anything of use. It must’ve been the same for Wyatt. ****  
** **

  “Find anything over there, Ed?” Wyatt called out, pointing his flashlight Eddie’s way. However, guessing by the light around them subtly changing from blue to a dull orange from outside, they wouldn’t need flashlights for much longer. ****  
** **

  “Other than, surprise, mothballs in the closet, nothing.” He looked back inside the said closet. “At least it’s doin’ its job. Not a hole in any one of these jackets.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt sighed and mumbled something to himself before switching the flashlight off. “In that case, maybe grab a couple. No harm in having spare clothes.” ****  
** **

  As Eddie did just that, Wyatt eyed a set of stairs going up. “After you’re done with that, let’s check upstairs. There’s gotta be something...anything.” ****  
** **

  After grabbing what he could, Eddie started to head upstairs, turning off his own flashlight when he noticed the incoming natural light. Wyatt looked over to Ben, giving a noticeably worried expression. ****  
** **

  “If I hold onto the railing, I should be fine.” Ben reassured. It wasn’t as if he’d crumble at the slightest bit of pressure applied to his foot. It would hurt like hell, but he’d live. ****  
** **

  Still turning back every so often to make sure Ben was alright, Wyatt ascended the stairs behind Eddie. Ben himself didn’t have too much trouble going up when the assistance of the railing. He just hoped he’d find a place to sit that wasn’t covered in holes, mold or about to fall apart at the smallest bit of added weight. ****  
** **

  Once they made it upstairs, Wyatt observed the many more rooms they would have to investigate. It wasn’t a very large house and saw about three rooms and a bathroom. Along with that, a hatch leading up to an attic sat on the ceiling above a window on the opposite side of the landing. ****  
** **

  “I know I said we shouldn’t split up,” Wyatt began, taking in their surroundings. “But I think we should be fine up here.” He pointed to the door closest to them with his head. “Me and Ben will check out this room first and you can...do whatever.” ****  
** **

  “Hear you loud and clear.” Eddie said with a smile, shooting the two finger guns before entering a different room. ****  
** **

  Wyatt watched him leave before pushing open the door. ****  
** **

  The room Ben and Wyatt entered looked to belong to a child. If the neatly placed toys on the dresser didn’t make it obvious enough, the small bed coupled with the peeling and worn out pastel wallpaper did its job just fine. The pink covers on the bed and the fact that a lot of the toys were dolls or overly cutesy had Ben thinking it was most likely a girl’s room. To add to it all, the room bathed in a soft pink color thanks to the sun shining in through the girlish curtains. The sight of the small tower of stuffed animals on the bed had Ben’s stomach twisting and turning. He carefully stepped further into the room, holding onto the wall for support as his eyes scanned around him. His fingers gingerly touched the spines of a few books up on a shelf. Typical fairy tail books about princesses and magical creatures with the coloring of the books being expected shades of pink and purple. Meanwhile, Wyatt picked up a small box on the nightstand and opened it up. A quiet and broken melody sang from it and he looked at it for a moment before closing and setting it back down when he saw how it was empty. ****  
** **

  Ben couldn’t help but eye the toys again, a gulp swimming down his throat. ****  
** **

  They weren’t exactly the same to the ones he was used to seeing in his previous happy life, but they were similar enough. ****  
** **

  He was particularly drawn to two specific plush toys. A stuffed cat and rabbit. The cat held a more sleepy expression compared to the excited one of the rabbit. They both had frilly ribbons around their necks, the cat in blue and the rabbit in yellow.  ****  
** **

  He forcefully returned his eyes to the books. He read their titles over and over again in his head. ****  
** **

  “I had a sister.” He wasn’t sure exactly what compelled him to finally say it out loud. But it didn’t matter. It was already said and guessing by the way Wyatt stopped moving while still in the middle of inspecting the closet, he heard him. ****  
** **

  He could feel Wyatt looking his way now, but didn’t say anything yet. ****  
** **

  “Her name was Alice.” He explained, his voice not as muttered as before. “Her room was kinda like this. She loved stuffed animals and pink and all that stuff. She especially liked anything relating to rabbits, because-” He chuckled lightly. “She loved the story of Alice in Wonderland and thought it was about her. So, whenever she’d see a rabbit- a white rabbit, she’d get so excited and go up to it. For one of her birthdays, we took her to a petting zoo and she got to hold one.” ****  
** **

  He of course thought about her often, but not this in depth. It’s been a while since he’d done that. ****  
** **

  He felt tears prickle his eyes at the thought of her grinning face as she held the rabbit in her arms ever so carefully. She was a kid, but a very caring and gentle one. So caring in fact, she had asked if Ben wanted to hold it too. He couldn’t possibly say no to a face like hers, so he took her up on her offer. The rabbit wasn’t nearly as comfortable in Ben’s arms compared to his sister’s, but they both had a good laugh about it afterwards. Besides, it was  _ her  _ day and she was happy. ****  
** **

  That’s all that mattered. ****  
** **

  He felt a quiet choked sob bubble up, but he tried to hide it by clearing his throat. It wasn’t very convincing. ****  
** **

  “I’m so sorry, Ben.” Wyatt said quietly. “Did you...see-?” He couldn’t get himself to finish his question, but he hoped it would be enough for Ben to understand. ****  
** **

  He shook his head. “I-I don’t know what happened to her or my parents. I wasn’t with them when it started. I honestly have no idea if that’s better or worse.” ****  
** **

  Wyatt didn’t know either. “I...was an only child, so I can’t fully relate. But,” He walked up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I think we can all relate to being separated from family. It...sucks.” He tried to lighten things up with a small laugh before returning to a more sympathetic gaze. “We can only hope for the best...that they’re okay. Even if the chances are slim of us ever finding them, we can at least hope they’re alive and kicking ass through all this.” ****  
** **

  Was that possibility realistic? Not really. But was it a better thing to think of instead of the ways they died or how they would look like as reanimated corpses? Without a doubt. This wasn’t the world his sister deserved to live through. She was just a kid. She shouldn’t be learning to toughen up or how to use a gun. She should be learning how to ride a bike or how to spell better. But living hardened was better than the alternative: dying scared. ****  
** **

  “Thank you, Wyatt.” He said simply, a small smile slipping onto his lips. “If there’s nothing else in here, I...would like to go, please.”  ****  
** **

  Wyatt quickly nodded. “Of course. There’s nothing of use I could find, so we should check out a different room now.” He gave his shoulder one last soft pat and started helping him exit the room. ****  
** **

  Quickly returning out to the hallway, shutting the door behind them, they saw that Eddie was still inspecting the room he picked out. Wyatt thought it would be best to check the bathroom last, so they chose to look through the remaining room. ****  
** **

  As expected, it was a lot more dull and traditional compared to the kid’s room. Instead of a bedroom, it was a place more designed for sitting and visiting. A small table and a pair of chairs sat pressed up against a window while a lone couch made its home snugly between two bookshelves, still holding an impressive amount of books. Paintings and photographs of country landscapes littered the peeling walls along with empty candleholders. Ben followed after Wyatt, who immediately started digging around in a set of drawers adjacent from the table and chairs. ****  
** **

  Meanwhile, Ben had his sights set on the couch. When he approached it, he patted it and felt it to see if it was sturdy and it was. It didn’t feel too bad either. ****  
** **

  “Could I...sit down for a second?” Ben asked sheepishly.  ****  
** **

  “Sure.” Wyatt hummed, not looking away from the drawers. “Your foot could use the break.” ****  
** **

  After the confirmation from Wyatt, Ben didn’t hesitate to plop himself down. Sure, it was a bit dusty, but he didn’t see any mold he’d have to worry about. He took this as a chance to really breathe. Granted, the air wasn’t the best air to be breathing in. Dust and mothballs was far from a pleasant combination. ****  
** **

  It wasn’t long after that when Ben suddenly saw Eddie in the open doorway. His jacket, curiously enough, was replaced with a red flannel. He must’ve found it while looking in the other room and thought to change into it right then and there. ****  
** **

  “Hey guys.” Eddie casually said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he walked inside. ****  
** **

  Wyatt glanced up, back down and then did a double take as he stood up. ****  
** **

  “Or should I say,” He lifted up one of his hands and tugged lightly at the front of his beanie. “Howdy.” ****  
** **

  Eddie laughed as Wyatt groaned and Ben hid a smile. ****  
** **

  “Please, tell me you didn’t find a cowboy hat while snooping around.” Wyatt begged, shutting one of the drawers. ****  
** **

  Eddie sighed. “Sadly, no. You got lucky this time.” He looked around. “Find anything?” ****  
** **

  “Not a lot. Found some matches, but that’s about it. Let’s hope there’s maybe some medicine in the bathroom. What about you?” ****  
** **

  He didn’t answer right away. Instead, choosing to look over to Ben for a split second before saying anything. “Maybe. But I could use a second opinion.” ****  
** **

  It seemed like Wyatt was getting something that Ben wasn’t. His eyes also flickered over to Ben before walking over to Eddie. “Alright. Ben, would you be cool with...hanging out here for a sec?” ****  
** **

  The question would’ve terrified an earlier him. A version of him scared to death of being left on his own. But he wasn’t alone. Even if it would just be him in a room, he knew he wouldn’t be alone. ****  
** **

  He gave a small nod. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.” ****  
** **

  The two sighed in relief before exiting the room together, leaving the door wide open in case Ben needed to better get their attention. ****  
** **

  Just before he could worry about sudden boredness taking over him, he noticed how the spine of a book jutted out further than the other ones on the shelf. He carefully pulled it out and cleaned the cover with his hand. The word “memories” was written in cursive paper lettering. The glue must’ve been strong as the letters looked firmly in place. He took a chance and started flipping through the pages. ****  
** **

  A sad sickly feeling took over him. The photos weren’t sad on their own, but it was the fact that the fates of the people in them were a mystery to him. In one, a little girl sat atop a tractor with the assistance of what looked to be her grandfather. The opposite page was filled with photos of the girl interacting with several farm animals, including cows, chickens and goats. He turned a page and looked at one much older than the previous ones and took up most of the page. Someone’s wedding. ****  
** **

  More pages, more memories. ****  
** **

  Birthday parties and cake covered faces. ****  
** **

  Christmases surrounded by friends and family. ****  
** **

  Bake sales in the middle of autumn. ****  
** **

  Riding horses for the first time. ****  
** **

  Each photo more happy than the last, which only made Ben sadder. ****  
** **

  No one was truly well off in the apocalypse, but children and families… ****  
** **

  A past version of him would look at these photos and imagine how they’re all dead or worse by this point in time. But he didn’t want to think like that anymore. It was tiring. Instead...he wanted to think about how they were probably okay. How they grew strong to be able to live through this. He knew it would be hard to completely change a mentality. But he could start now. He didn’t like being sad for as much as he did it. It was hard to be completely miserable with the people he was with now.  ****  
** **

  They smiled more. ****  
** **

  Laughed more. ****  
** **

  Showed a level of compassion and honesty unlike anything he’s seen in a long time.   ****  
** **

  They made him want to have hope. ****  
** **

  To smile more. ****  
** **

  He was still vulnerable, weak even. But he didn’t like it. ****  
** **

  He hated it.  ****  
** **

  He wanted to leave it behind him. ****  
** **

  Even as he could hear the whisper of voices in the back of his head, he focused more on the pictures. On the smiling faces and bright skies. ****  
** **

  He was tired of only having sad memories. The happy ones were there, but they were by some means tainted, which made them bittersweet at most. ****  
** **

  However, the time he had spent with Wyatt and Eddie...bad memories seemed less likely with them. The muffled sounds of them laughing in the other room helped to prove that point. ****  
** **

  He wanted new memories. ****  
** **

  Happy ones. ****  
** **

  And he wanted them to be with Wyatt and Eddie.  


End file.
